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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before you divorce, stop doing anything that benefits him. No laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. Don't help him find his car keys, buy a gift for his mother, or make his colonoscopy appointment. No affection or intimacy of course. Treat him like a platonic roommate you found on Craigslist. Then perhaps he will see all you do for him and how much work it is. Maybe he will start to appreciate you. But honestly, I doubt it! You have my blessing to skip straight to divorce if all that sounds unappealing.  :) [/quote]

Op here. I don't do his laundry, just mine and DD's. We outsource with a housecleaner 2x a month, but any other maintenance cleaning, like dishes, wiping down counters, taking out trash, picking up, vacuum, making the bed, etc. he just does not do. Not only that, he stays up late and leaves trash and dishes out when he goes to bed, so I come downstairs at 5am and start my day by picking up cereal bowls and snack wrappers.

He doesn't take DD to activities except the rare occasion I have an after work event. He has nothing to do with DD and school (homework, conferences, paper work, lunch money, etc). Never schedules or attends a dr appt. Never has bought her clothes, certainly couldn't tell you her clothing or shoe size.

There was one day I was WFH and I got DD ready, took her to the bus, came home, started work, worked for 2 hours and he was still sleeping. I waited to see how long he would sleep before realizing HE HAD WORK and I let him go till after 9:30 before I woke him up because then I worried he might miss a meeting and get fired and that would suck more than proving a point.

The only thing he appears to care about is work. He is focused and motivated there, but that's it. I've said multiple times that I can't do it all with the job I have. I'm literally drowning and am so tired.

He doesn't care about affection or intimacy, so that's not even a source of leverage. It feels hopeless.[/quote]
I'm not sure how much he cares about his work if he's sleeping in during the work week.

At this point, I would not offload any childcare to him because I would be afraid he half a$$es it.  I would not want my kid to be late to school or do badly on a HW because the dad couldn't be bothered.  It's one thing to have the dad suffer, but another to let the kid suffer because the dad is such a lazy, selfish, ahole.

I think you guys need marital counseling.

I'll repeat:  most men should not have children. They cannot handle it.  They can just about handle their own lives: going to work, feeding himself.  Throw in a young child who needs someone to do all that for them and more, and those men get lost.[/quote]

OP here. Yeah, I don't know how he can be successful at work when he can't be trusted to wake up on his own, but somehow he's killing it at work. I think it's because that's where any and all energy/effort he has goes towards. He 8 year old DD is more responsible than him, as she wakes him up half the time so she can make it to school on time, but he does NOT let anything with work fall through the cracks. And then I feel like a crap mom for not being there while this is happening, but I need to be in by a certain time so I can leave early enough to do things like shuttle her to activities and/or make dinner (things he does not do).

I don't want to SAH (particularly if he's WFH), but I could stomach doing all of this a lot better if I wasn't also doing as much (or more) than him at my job. And also was the breadwinner for many years until recently. [/quote]

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