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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you do not have experience with this, please don’t comment about how you’d never put up with it. I didn’t think I would either until I’m now living it

Dh has severe depression and anxiety. He’s in weekly therapy and on meds.  An intensive DBT has been recommended but he says he so far won’t do it.  He is very successful professionally.  At least every other month something “bad” happens (such as losing a key client) that spends him spiraling and then laying in misery in bed for a couple days.  He bails on all domestic responsibility, treats me rather rudely if I talk to him (either doesn’t respond at all or short one words). Eventually he snaps out of it and acts like it never happened.

Would you just accept this? Insist on more intensive therapy with threat of divorce? Something else? He won’t do anything different therapy wise unless losing his family is on the line.[/quote]

My DH retreats once every couple of months or so. It lasts for about 3-5 days. He is in weekly therapy for anxiety and on meds. His mother has severe anxiety.

The difference is I did not tolerate any rudeness ( and i wouldn't if he ever tried). About 5 years ago when it started, he would just retreat with no checking in, and then one day, he banged a cabinet door and kicked a chair. I told him "if you don't do that at work, you can keep it together here.  No exceptions. If you can call in sick at work, you can call in sick here. Get it together and get it together fast." It was very clear that I meant I was out if he did do something quick. That's when he started weekly therapy. I would leave if he were rude.

So these days,  he will say he is not feeling well and remind me to do anything he had to do, just like he would do at work. He will make sure he checks in everyday, let me know he is not feeling well etc, just like he will do at work. But there is no rudeness and no obvious misery. It's like him being sick every couple of months. In fact it is impossible these days to tell when he is actually sick ( if he does not have a cough) and when he needs this time off because he is overwhelmed. And one thing he does not give up is bedtime routine for the kids( which he would do in those days). He still reads to them and makes sure they brush their teeth.

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