Reply to How do you drop the rope when you have SN kids?

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "How do you drop the rope when you have SN kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP - so you just do everything? How do you deal with the resentment and stay married? He told me the other day he’s so proud that he’s an amazing husband and father and I just stood there stunned that his bar for himself is apparently on the floor. I have contemplated divorce in the past but won’t because of the kids. I have told him multiple times how unfair I find all of this and how lonely and I guess he thinks that’s fine? [/quote]

If you have already contemplated divorce, then you probably have a lot of large issues. And this equity issue is just a symptom of larger disrespect, etc. So, I think this is tough to navigate when you likely have larger issues.

That said, we outsource A LOT. If you can afford it, throw money at the problem. If you are shuffling kids to every therapy appointment, let a sitter do that. You go once a month or every six weeks to hear what is going on. If more medical stuff, we gave a healthcare POA to our nanny. Our kid did 16 months of chemo. We went for chemo, but the finger pricks on Week 1 and 3 were never very important and she handled them. We kept a nanny through all of elementary to handle a ton of this stuff. She cooked, etc while
Kids were at school. She made phone calls, filled out paperwork, etc.

What does your husband say when you discuss this? Does he even see an issue? Do you copy him on every email, text, etc? I have a husband who does a ton of the doing while I handle the planning. He is on copy for EVERYTHING so my work has a not invisible to him. “Oh, I spent an hour filling out paperwork today for Kid 1” is part of my description when he asks “how was your day?” He definitely sometimes feels he does more — cleaning, changing diapers, etc. He isn’t exactly wrong. And I then smile and say “and what about that magical fairy who makes your life comfortable and easy without you even knowing it” and we both either laugh or roll our eyes (depending on the day) and move on.

Our one truly major issue was overnight wakeups. I was really miserable about this for 18 months —
Note that our child will never, ever sleep through the night so my 18 month period started after she was 8 years old. I was taking the bulk of them and he just could not see that he had to step up. So, I told him I was going to rent a studio to sleep in every other night and started apartment hunting. I wasn’t going to be mad anymore, didn’t want to separate, etc. I wanted to sleep. And I could not at our house. When he saw I was serious, we went to an every other night schedule.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics