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[quote=Anonymous]I feel for you, OP, I really do, this sounds tough. I think you need to come at this from a few directions.

1) You (and your husband) each need a chunk of time to yourself every week. You’re burning out, this isn’t sustainable. Start with an hour or two at a time. You explicitly tell the kids that mom needs some “me” time and you’re going to stay home while dad takes them to the park (it’ll be easiest to start with them out of the house). One of you take a couple hours on Saturday, then the other (either later that day or on Sunday). Work up to half a day each most weekends. Yes, it will be hard to watch both kids completely by yourself at first but you will both get better at it and it’s crucial for your mental health.

2) How is their sleep? How is yours? The effects of chronic sleep deprivation are terrible and systemic, and often parents get so used to it, they don’t even notice. Your 3 year old needs to be in his bed for a minimum of 11 hours at night, your six year old needs a minimum of 10, and you need eight. If that’s not happening, start there!!

3) Agree with parenting classes/PEP. It’s so common to get where you are, I completely understand, but unfortunately it sounds like you’ve trained your children that if they tantrum, they get what they want. Maybe not in the moment, but in the future - they know you’re avoiding upsetting them because you’re trying to avoid a tantrum, so they are holding the reins in your house. I would actually start with #1 and #2 to get yourself some more emotional bandwidth to handle #3.

4) You need to improve communication with your spouse. He shouldn’t be undermining you in front of the kids, but you also shouldn’t be setting boundaries your spouse doesn’t agree with. You guys need to get on the same page.

Good luck![/quote]

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