Reply to Unsupportive spouse health issue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to do more for yourself.  Yes, it will hurt some but that is expected.  You sound like you are being too demanding.[/quote]

NP. What is with you and other posters choosing to bash OP and not address the real question? [b]OP is not here to talk about the surgery, what kind it was, why OP was sent home when OP was sent home, blah blah...[/b]OP wants to know what to do re: a spouse who is not willingly or kindly helping and who seems to show no concern in OP's eyes. JFC, this forum is full of "hate the OP" posters, not just on this post but on most posts for a while now. How about answering OP's question as OP asked it and not focusing on details you don't know like how much pain OP is in and whether OP should just tough it out?

To OP, be direct. Very direct. When the kids are settled and not likely to come in and when mom is not around, tell your spouse you need to have a frank and blunt talk, and say that you want to be clear you need more day to day, hands-on assistance than paid caregivers and an elderly mom can provide, but you perceive that spouse is resentful and balky about helping you physically. I'd ask spouse: Is this because you don't like the idea of illness/injury in general? (Some people are just crap whenever others are not physically perfect, frankly, and freak out about injury/illness/surgery. That is NOT an excuse and spouse should suck it up). Or is it because you (spouse) are resentful of my surgery for some reason? (Does spouse feel you "brought this on yourself" or whatever?)

I'd be clear: "I need you to help me X before the paid help gets here. It's too much for mom and the kids should not be doing this" or whatever.

List the tasks you feel you need help with, and also be blunt about how you perceive your spouse is unwilling, and ask why.

I'd also send mom home unless she's there to help with the kids. In fact I'd tell her and spouse that mom is there only for the kids. She's elderly. I bet your spouse is going, "Whew, let MIL deal with this, then." Nope. Nip that. [/quote]

Because someone asking more of their spouse three days after a hip replacement is just a fundamentally different ask than three weeks after a nose job.  How hard to press, how much is “reasonable” really does vary on these points. Heck whether to stay married could hinge on these points. [/quote]

DP but even then, docs want you up and on a new hip right away these days.  Same for most surgeries.  They have found that laying around after surgery is really not good for long term recovery in most cases.  And yes, it hurts, but failing to do it can impede the success of the surgery.[/quote]

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