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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for all the replies even the ones difficult for me to read.
His caretaking wasn’t a sign of strength of character or maturity. He was like a bad paid caretaker - did what he was told to do and hated it. There was no love or responsibility on his actions, he was just an automaton basically. I am not the one to judge, I know, but just describing what I saw.
Mother was mentally ill and part of it was refusal to see doctors, she inflicted her own misery on herself.
Paradoxically he would have been more of an adult if he actually left her and maybe we would have at least 50% of the time spent in a normal home. But no, he would never dare. 
I try not to judge, I do.
I am trying to take care of him as much as I can, including moving him closer to me, that’s not a problem. The problem is I thought he was a capable adult and turns out he either isn’t anymore or never was. [/quote]

Oh man, you sound really awful. So, he was doing crappy job taking care of your mom, what did you do? Other than throwing stones from the sidelines? And here you are judging your father... [/quote]

The OP hasn’t even given an example. She’s just saying that he’s incapable of taking care of himself. Which seems impossible since he spent 30 years taking care of both himself and a mentally ill spouse, without any input or support from OP.[/quote]

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