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[quote=FBO][quote=Anonymous][quote]I wish my husband would be receptive to therapy. He has tried it but on some level I really don't think he wants to change his crazy work cycle because it gives him good results. He is a very convincing arguer so it is hard to get him to see that all of that internal anguish is actually a distraction to his productivity, not an essential part of it! [/quote]

10:09 here. Here's the thing. Right now, his internal anguish is an essential part of it, because he's never learned another way. And because at this point his brain is kind of wired to experience these things--maybe he needs the stimulation of fear, anxiety to allow him to get beyond the barriers of self-doubt and be creative. The issue is that it is soul-killing for your marriage. Perhaps if he understood the real impact on you, that it damages you and not just him, he'd be more receptive? I also think that this kind of behavior pattern probably responds better to cognitive behavior therapy, not sure he's tried that.

in the meantime, I am doing my best to do things for myself and maintain some emotional independence. This weekend I got some exercise, did some cooking, took the kids out and just enjoyed time with them as much as possible and gave DH some space. the more I worry about his stress, the more stressed we both are. I can't control his behavior, only mine so I'm working on that.

Good luck to you....[/quote]

Well said.  You can see from the way you explain things that you 'get it'.  We each have our own issues and our reasons for those issues.  But instead of worrying about the things you can not control, you are living your life as it currently stands and living it for you.

You have no idea how unique that is.

:)[/quote]

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