Reply to Normal almost 4 year old, or do we have issues??

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[quote=Anonymous]Sadly, our 4 yo DD is similar.  Very similar.  My mother tells me I was the same at that age.  (Lovely at 3 and 5 but a beast at 4.)

We've had some success using a sticker chart to incentivize DD to notice when she's getting worked up (approaching or starting a meltdown) and then correcting herself (calming down).  It's not easy -- we've been working on it a lot -- noticing it, trying different ways to calm down, practicing it in non-meldown moments, praising good calming down when it happens etc.  But slowly it's been working.

Though I was at first opposed to rewarding what I saw to be regular behavior (not freaking out when things didn't go her way), I realize it's actually a new skill for her -- something she needs to learn and practice.  So I read a book called, "Parenting the Defiant Child" by Alan Kazdin.  Not that I think DD is particularly defiant.  She seems like a normal 4 yo (her friends pull the same crap when they don't get what they want).  But the book does a great job of explaining HOW to design and implement a reward program that actually works.  It's not quite as simple as slapping a few stickers on a chart and giving DD a prize.

It also helps for DH and I to stay super calm ourselves.  Not always easy, so last month DD and I did the "calm down when we're getting upset" sticker chart together.  It was a good reminder to me to notice my frustration and keep my cool.  I earned some stickers and DD thought is was awesome.  :-)

Good luck![/quote]

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