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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?[/quote]

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama. [/quote]

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.[/quote]

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group. [/quote]

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.
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My younger sister isn’t telling me to get over it. She’s just telling me to do what she wants me to do regardless of what I want and also what my husband and I want for our kids. It’s confusing for the kids as to why my parents never made any effort to meet them or be involved. My 11yo daughter has asked us many times why they wouldn’t want to meet her. It’s a sad situation that I’m trying to manage. If I had any good memories with my father or older sister it wouldn’t be an issue.

BTW my younger sister hates my older sister and only engages with her if it’s regarding my father. [/quote]

I think you're being weird about the whole thing. You said you want to see him but then you say it's just ticking a box. Your sister is telling you the best way to go about that and while you acknowledge you're planning to see him you're just not going to do it the way people who know him and care about him are advising you the best way. You want to do it the way that pleases you. You barely know your dad anymore and don't even know what he's like. Why are you discounting your sister's advice? Your older sister is now taking care of your dad and like it or not you're going to have to go through her.  You need to play by the rules here to get access to your dad, the prodigal sister returning doesn't get to make the rules.[/quote]

My older sister is bumming off our father, she doesn’t take care of him. When he has an appointment that requires assistance then my younger sister takes off work. I guess you’re right that I’m indifferent if I see him. I wish the situation was better but it is not. I’m stressed that he will say stuff that is hurtful to my kids which is highly likely. So being able to contain the situation is important to me. My younger sister is the one who told me that he sits at home all day watching tv. He always did so there’s no change there. I can call him one morning and tell him to get ready for a quick visit from us. Obviously there’s a lot I’m not sharing here but he’s not involved as a parent or as a grandparent or this wouldn’t be so stressful for me. [/quote]

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