Your father is 80. You haven’t seen him for a long time, but your sisters have. So you’re thinking of him how he was the last time you saw him, but he’s gotten older. They’ve seen him recently. There may be practical reasons that you should make plans with your father ahead of time. Older people may need more time just to get ready, may have a regular schedule of doctors’ appointments and like to keep their routine. You shouldn’t expect to call him out of the blue in the morning and expect him to drop everything to see you for lunch the same day. It would be more considerate to call him at least the day before to invite him out, but issuing your invitation much earlier would be even better.

If your father flew into town here and called you in the morning to see you for lunch that same day, you’d probably be upset with him for giving you such short notice, too.

Unless you know that your father has put it in his will, don’t assume that your older sister getting the house is a done deal. She doesn’t get it all just because she’s living in the house with her father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, you're a mess. You're in the center of this maelstrom and you don't see it.

The black sheep of a family is sometimes the person who was most sensitive to the family dynamics as opposed to actually being the most troubled. Even though outsiders may like to point fingers.
NP

OP - what does this mean? For me I just couldn’t deal with the dysfunction so I left and I’m much healthier now as a result

Anonymous wrote:Girl, you're a mess. You're in the center of this maelstrom and you don't see it.

The black sheep of a family is sometimes the person who was most sensitive to the family dynamics as opposed to actually being the most troubled. Even though outsiders may like to point fingers.
NP

Anonymous wrote:Girl, you're a mess. You're in the center of this maelstrom and you don't see it.

I have completely removed myself from it to be able to protect my own mental health and to be a good person and parent. Now I’ve got to figure out the best way to make it work

Girl, you're a mess. You're in the center of this maelstrom and you don't see it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.

My younger sister isn’t telling me to get over it. She’s just telling me to do what she wants me to do regardless of what I want and also what my husband and I want for our kids. It’s confusing for the kids as to why my parents never made any effort to meet them or be involved. My 11yo daughter has asked us many times why they wouldn’t want to meet her. It’s a sad situation that I’m trying to manage. If I had any good memories with my father or older sister it wouldn’t be an issue.

BTW my younger sister hates my older sister and only engages with her if it’s regarding my father.

I think you're being weird about the whole thing. You said you want to see him but then you say it's just ticking a box. Your sister is telling you the best way to go about that and while you acknowledge you're planning to see him you're just not going to do it the way people who know him and care about him are advising you the best way. You want to do it the way that pleases you. You barely know your dad anymore and don't even know what he's like. Why are you discounting your sister's advice? Your older sister is now taking care of your dad and like it or not you're going to have to go through her. You need to play by the rules here to get access to your dad, the prodigal sister returning doesn't get to make the rules.

My older sister is bumming off our father, she doesn’t take care of him. When he has an appointment that requires assistance then my younger sister takes off work. I guess you’re right that I’m indifferent if I see him. I wish the situation was better but it is not. I’m stressed that he will say stuff that is hurtful to my kids which is highly likely. So being able to contain the situation is important to me. My younger sister is the one who told me that he sits at home all day watching tv. He always did so there’s no change there. I can call him one morning and tell him to get ready for a quick visit from us. Obviously there’s a lot I’m not sharing here but he’s not involved as a parent or as a grandparent or this wouldn’t be so stressful for me.

Sounds like you're just going to do what you're going to do. Call him out of the blue and tell him to get ready to be picked up, despite what other family members say. So good luck with all that.

Yes I’m going to try to make the best decision so my kids can meet their grandfather for the first time and hopefully enjoy some time with him without my older sister sucking all the oxygen out of the room. I just don’t understand why my younger sister is being hysterical about it. She said it’s because she cares about him and doesn’t want him to be hurt if he doesn’t get to spend enough time with us. This makes zero sense to me when he’s never made any effort to meet my kids!

Anonymous wrote:So you are going to visit your younger sister who lives close to her father and she insists you see him a lot when you visit?
If yes, let her take care of all the arrangements and just play it by ear once you arrive. Can she compromise and not involve the oldest sister?
Also, I would focus on trying to get my share of dad’s estate and that would be it. Maybe you actually need to have a bit of a relationship with him to extract your sister from there and to make sure your dad isn’t abused by her. If she is abusing him try to kick her out?

I’m planning a one week vacation for my family to see one of my childhood friends and to celebrate her birthday as we’re all turning 50 around now. My younger sister lives close to my father and she has two kids. My goal is to see my younger sister and her kids as much as possible. We see them frequently as I’m close to my sister and we vacation together at least once a year with our kids and husbands. Her kids are older than mine so they often come to us. I’m looking forward to seeing them. We’re staying at an airbnb so it’s easy and low stress.

My father lives in the same area as my sister and I believe it’s the right thing to do to have my kids meet him for the first time. I hope it’s not a bad decision that I’ll regret because he was a lousy father and is a lousy grandfather. Overall he’s such a selfish and low energy person who always looks out for himself. He has a house in Maui and goes there every year but it’s too far for him to fly to DC…

My older sister is nuts and I don’t want anything to do with her. I also don’t want or expect any money from my parents estate. They’re wealthy and it’s among the reasons they’re so inept as people. My older sister is preying on our father as she told us she believes she will get the house if she can demonstrate it’s her full time residence when he dies. I don’t know or care as I don’t want or expect anything from my parents. My younger sister is the executor for my dad’s will. Last year our older sister wrote some checks from his bank account and forged his signature, essentially stealing from him.

What I don’t understand is that my younger sister said that she doesn’t want to be involved in the planning. She wants me to see our father but she doesn’t care if we see our older sister. Either way my younger sister wouldn’t be there if my older sister is there as they are estranged because my older sister is awful. My younger sister is the peacemaker in the family.

As I’ve been making plans for the trip and told her I’m planning to surprise my dad she got really upset saying that I should tell him now so he has something to look forward to. This is confusing to me as I assume he’ll be indifferent about meeting my kids since he’s never made any effort whatsoever to meet them. She also said that she knows that if I tell him then he’ll invite my older sister to whatever I plan which makes it more difficult for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.

My younger sister isn’t telling me to get over it. She’s just telling me to do what she wants me to do regardless of what I want and also what my husband and I want for our kids. It’s confusing for the kids as to why my parents never made any effort to meet them or be involved. My 11yo daughter has asked us many times why they wouldn’t want to meet her. It’s a sad situation that I’m trying to manage. If I had any good memories with my father or older sister it wouldn’t be an issue.

BTW my younger sister hates my older sister and only engages with her if it’s regarding my father.

I think you're being weird about the whole thing. You said you want to see him but then you say it's just ticking a box. Your sister is telling you the best way to go about that and while you acknowledge you're planning to see him you're just not going to do it the way people who know him and care about him are advising you the best way. You want to do it the way that pleases you. You barely know your dad anymore and don't even know what he's like. Why are you discounting your sister's advice? Your older sister is now taking care of your dad and like it or not you're going to have to go through her. You need to play by the rules here to get access to your dad, the prodigal sister returning doesn't get to make the rules.

My older sister is bumming off our father, she doesn’t take care of him. When he has an appointment that requires assistance then my younger sister takes off work. I guess you’re right that I’m indifferent if I see him. I wish the situation was better but it is not. I’m stressed that he will say stuff that is hurtful to my kids which is highly likely. So being able to contain the situation is important to me. My younger sister is the one who told me that he sits at home all day watching tv. He always did so there’s no change there. I can call him one morning and tell him to get ready for a quick visit from us. Obviously there’s a lot I’m not sharing here but he’s not involved as a parent or as a grandparent or this wouldn’t be so stressful for me.

Sounds like you're just going to do what you're going to do. Call him out of the blue and tell him to get ready to be picked up, despite what other family members say. So good luck with all that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.

My younger sister isn’t telling me to get over it. She’s just telling me to do what she wants me to do regardless of what I want and also what my husband and I want for our kids. It’s confusing for the kids as to why my parents never made any effort to meet them or be involved. My 11yo daughter has asked us many times why they wouldn’t want to meet her. It’s a sad situation that I’m trying to manage. If I had any good memories with my father or older sister it wouldn’t be an issue.

BTW my younger sister hates my older sister and only engages with her if it’s regarding my father.

I think you're being weird about the whole thing. You said you want to see him but then you say it's just ticking a box. Your sister is telling you the best way to go about that and while you acknowledge you're planning to see him you're just not going to do it the way people who know him and care about him are advising you the best way. You want to do it the way that pleases you. You barely know your dad anymore and don't even know what he's like. Why are you discounting your sister's advice? Your older sister is now taking care of your dad and like it or not you're going to have to go through her. You need to play by the rules here to get access to your dad, the prodigal sister returning doesn't get to make the rules.

My older sister is bumming off our father, she doesn’t take care of him. When he has an appointment that requires assistance then my younger sister takes off work. I guess you’re right that I’m indifferent if I see him. I wish the situation was better but it is not. I’m stressed that he will say stuff that is hurtful to my kids which is highly likely. So being able to contain the situation is important to me. My younger sister is the one who told me that he sits at home all day watching tv. He always did so there’s no change there. I can call him one morning and tell him to get ready for a quick visit from us. Obviously there’s a lot I’m not sharing here but he’s not involved as a parent or as a grandparent or this wouldn’t be so stressful for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.

My younger sister isn’t telling me to get over it. She’s just telling me to do what she wants me to do regardless of what I want and also what my husband and I want for our kids. It’s confusing for the kids as to why my parents never made any effort to meet them or be involved. My 11yo daughter has asked us many times why they wouldn’t want to meet her. It’s a sad situation that I’m trying to manage. If I had any good memories with my father or older sister it wouldn’t be an issue.

BTW my younger sister hates my older sister and only engages with her if it’s regarding my father.

I think you're being weird about the whole thing. You said you want to see him but then you say it's just ticking a box. Your sister is telling you the best way to go about that and while you acknowledge you're planning to see him you're just not going to do it the way people who know him and care about him are advising you the best way. You want to do it the way that pleases you. You barely know your dad anymore and don't even know what he's like. Why are you discounting your sister's advice? Your older sister is now taking care of your dad and like it or not you're going to have to go through her. You need to play by the rules here to get access to your dad, the prodigal sister returning doesn't get to make the rules.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

You owe her a thank you for caring for your parents, which you aren't willing to do. You have no idea how hard it is.

My older sister only takes care of herself. She wasn’t involved whatsoever when our mother was dying and my father took care of my mother with professional help as needed. My sister moved into the house because then when he dies she can claim the title. My dad is doing fine health wise he’s just old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.

My younger sister isn’t telling me to get over it. She’s just telling me to do what she wants me to do regardless of what I want and also what my husband and I want for our kids. It’s confusing for the kids as to why my parents never made any effort to meet them or be involved. My 11yo daughter has asked us many times why they wouldn’t want to meet her. It’s a sad situation that I’m trying to manage. If I had any good memories with my father or older sister it wouldn’t be an issue.

BTW my younger sister hates my older sister and only engages with her if it’s regarding my father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are creating drama. It's not realistic to expect your dad to visit cross country at 80 if he's not doing well. Why haven't you visited sooner? You need to give them notice.

He hasn’t come to see me in over 20 years! He’s a very selfish person which I accept. I don’t have any relationship with him and I don’t think of him as a parent because he chose not to be one. But we haven’t traveled with our kids for years due to work, their ages, pandemic etc

You moved away and never returned. You should travel to see him. You have all kinds of excuses and want to blame him and your sister. No reason you couldn't have gone. If you are working in person, kids are back to school in person, you get on a plane or drive out there. If he's having health issues, how do you expect him to travel?

I don’t expect him to travel to see me now as he’s never done so. He wasn’t involved in my life when we lived in the same house. It’s not that he’s having health issues he’s just older and as usual does his own thing. I’m not blaming him I’m just explaining the situation. I don’t really care if I see him and he obviously feels the same way about me. I’m not sure why my younger sister is so upset about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

Why is it that you have so many issues with many of your family members and they seem to get on with each other? Older sister is crazy, dad was a pushover and never visits, mom was abusive. You get along with your younger sister but now you're disagreeing with her and she's telling you to get over it. Seems like you against everyone else all the time. Maybe let some of this roll off your back and accept them for who they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your beef with the older sister? She moved out before you can really remember then you've fast forwarded about 40 years, give or take, and how you hate her because she wants the house and is divorced?

OP - she’s a complete narcissist and sucks the life out of everyone around her. I helped her out a couple of years ago and then she complained that I could have done more for her. She never had kids and when my sister and I had our kids our older sister sent an email to tell us that our kids shouldn’t expect any gifts from her since she doesn’t have kids we’d give gifts to!! Not that we care about gifts but it’s just how selfish she is. She’s nuts and I don’t want to get sucked into her drama.

Isn't it more dramatic to make a show out of excluding her for a simple lunch with your dad? Even your younger sister agrees you're being dramatic. You don't need to diagnose everyone as crazy, narcissist, selfish, etc. It's just lunch. Go or don't go. Your kids won't get any quality time over a brief lunch with an elderly grandparent they've never met anyway. It's a big to do about nothing.

OP - I see what you’re saying but it won’t end up like this. When my mother was dying I went to see her. It was a sad and emotional time given the family dynamics. I was sitting with my mother when my older sister stormed into the room and asked why I hadn’t reached out to support her as her husband had just left her. I told her I wasn’t aware and she burst into tears and went on and on about herself. I didn’t get to spend any quiet time with my mother which was the only reason I was there. I’m also sick of my older sister inserting herself into my father’s life to work her own agenda. She comes to DC all the time and I never hear from her. My husband hasn’t even met her once. But if we go there and want my kids to meet their grandfather she will create a problem for the whole group.

You owe her a thank you for caring for your parents, which you aren't willing to do. You have no idea how hard it is.