Reply to Tattling/telling a teacher

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you sure that’s what she said? It doesn’t really make sense, how would the kids know what he said to you (vs a teacher.).   I Would check with her what she actually meant/said.

That said, if your kid is threatened everyday then you should request he be moved away from the other kid.  That seems more important than the teachers advice.  [/quote]

Kids this age say stuff like "I'm going to tell my mom what you said" all the time. 
[/quote]

This phrase is annoying to other kids, and it can escalate a conflict at that age. The teacher's approach (if the kid's recalling is accurate and not missing nuance), wasn't right. I get op's concerns, but saying this phrase will lose a kid friends. So if this is what's happening, role playing and practicing better phrases might be one way to address the issue.[/quote]

No that’s not what is happening. He’s coming home and saying he doesn’t want to go to school anymore because his friend is being mean to him. Like I put in my earlier response, I talked to the teacher and she apparently didn’t appreciate it. The things he’s been describing started out normal but unpleasant (you aren’t my friend, you can’t play with me) but now seem to be more upsetting (the punching threats).[/quote]
A different take here to try/think about:
Tell your kid to say assertively “don’t say that to me. I don’t like it.”
I wouldn’t personally escalate with the teacher at this point in less your kid gets punched /hurt. If you keep stepping in your child will feel less empowered than he does now because you are showing him subtlety that he can’t handle this. You want your kid to be empowered in this situation. Practice using a strong voice and power stance with your kid and tell him you always want to hear about his day. The next day ask if he used his strong voice.

Can’t hurt to try![/quote]

Given that the year is nearly over I think I will work on this, so thank you. But I do want to know what is going on at school so I’m still annoyed at his teacher because if they don’t do anything, don’t encourage him to do anything (and tell him not to tell me) it sends the message he just has to put up with it, which I really don’t like. He is a very sweet kid and in general avoids confrontation but I guess he’s got to learn…[/quote]

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