Anonymous wrote:Apparently my child’s teacher told him that if he complains about other kids to his mom, he won’t have any friends. I understand discouraging tattling especially the normal stuff like you aren’t my friend anymore whatever but the other child is repeatedly telling other kids he is going to punch/kick them in the face. He’s typically a nice kid and I know the family enough to know there’s some upheaval behind this (think divorce type upheaval) but I am really not happy about the threatening to punch/kick. I do know he’s actually punched at least one kid (not mine). The school year is nearly over and we’ve generally been happy but I am most upset that my son thinks he can’t tell me that people are threatening to punch him every single day.

How do you talk to your kids about tattling? I have always really encouraged my kids to work things out themselves but at my older child ‘s school they take talking about hitting much more seriously.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that’s what she said? It doesn’t really make sense, how would the kids know what he said to you (vs a teacher.). I Would check with her what she actually meant/said.

That said, if your kid is threatened everyday then you should request he be moved away from the other kid. That seems more important than the teachers advice.

Kids this age say stuff like "I'm going to tell my mom what you said" all the time.

This phrase is annoying to other kids, and it can escalate a conflict at that age. The teacher's approach (if the kid's recalling is accurate and not missing nuance), wasn't right. I get op's concerns, but saying this phrase will lose a kid friends. So if this is what's happening, role playing and practicing better phrases might be one way to address the issue.

No that’s not what is happening. He’s coming home and saying he doesn’t want to go to school anymore because his friend is being mean to him. Like I put in my earlier response, I talked to the teacher and she apparently didn’t appreciate it. The things he’s been describing started out normal but unpleasant (you aren’t my friend, you can’t play with me) but now seem to be more upsetting (the punching threats).

A different take here to try/think about:
Tell your kid to say assertively “don’t say that to me. I don’t like it.”
I wouldn’t personally escalate with the teacher at this point in less your kid gets punched /hurt. If you keep stepping in your child will feel less empowered than he does now because you are showing him subtlety that he can’t handle this. You want your kid to be empowered in this situation. Practice using a strong voice and power stance with your kid and tell him you always want to hear about his day. The next day ask if he used his strong voice.

Can’t hurt to try!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that’s what she said? It doesn’t really make sense, how would the kids know what he said to you (vs a teacher.). I Would check with her what she actually meant/said.

That said, if your kid is threatened everyday then you should request he be moved away from the other kid. That seems more important than the teachers advice.

Kids this age say stuff like "I'm going to tell my mom what you said" all the time.

This phrase is annoying to other kids, and it can escalate a conflict at that age. The teacher's approach (if the kid's recalling is accurate and not missing nuance), wasn't right. I get op's concerns, but saying this phrase will lose a kid friends. So if this is what's happening, role playing and practicing better phrases might be one way to address the issue.

No that’s not what is happening. He’s coming home and saying he doesn’t want to go to school anymore because his friend is being mean to him. Like I put in my earlier response, I talked to the teacher and she apparently didn’t appreciate it. The things he’s been describing started out normal but unpleasant (you aren’t my friend, you can’t play with me) but now seem to be more upsetting (the punching threats).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that’s what she said? It doesn’t really make sense, how would the kids know what he said to you (vs a teacher.). I Would check with her what she actually meant/said.

That said, if your kid is threatened everyday then you should request he be moved away from the other kid. That seems more important than the teachers advice.

Kids this age say stuff like "I'm going to tell my mom what you said" all the time.

This phrase is annoying to other kids, and it can escalate a conflict at that age. The teacher's approach (if the kid's recalling is accurate and not missing nuance), wasn't right. I get op's concerns, but saying this phrase will lose a kid friends. So if this is what's happening, role playing and practicing better phrases might be one way to address the issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure that’s what she said? It doesn’t really make sense, how would the kids know what he said to you (vs a teacher.). I Would check with her what she actually meant/said.

That said, if your kid is threatened everyday then you should request he be moved away from the other kid. That seems more important than the teachers advice.

Kids this age say stuff like "I'm going to tell my mom what you said" all the time.