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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your pros focus mostly on your lifestyle and not your relationship itself.  Just want to point that out.[/quote]

Yep, there is no relationship at this point, there is friendship/ respect. No desire or romance as of lately. I would prefer that change, but all energy is on himself and being “happy” - which for him, does not include a romantic relationship. [/quote]

I have not dealt with this, but the reality is this behavior is super selfish. I find it hard to believe his therapist is really encouraging only “sole” focus and nothing for the two of you as a couple. I’m very sorry you are dealing with this. There is a way to strike a balance between activities as an individual and activities as a couple.[/quote]

OP here - 100% selfish, hard not to build resentment. I didn’t say his therapist was the best and she is not concerned with “us.” I’m not in the sessions, but from what I’ve gathered, he uses it as a safe space to vent “wife nags me, boss nags me, woe is me” which he feels has made him not happy. Also a lifetime of people pleasing but not seeing how that’s affected his life. Therapist: “I’m sorry, focus on you, find what makes you happy” - this has been going on for 2 years. I’m not a therapist but I did a quick google search and recognized we have an anxious (me) avoidant (him) attachment style which has been the core of our relationship troubles since day 1. A lot is triggered from childhood trauma that he is not ready/willing to explore. (Very controlling/critical mother) Hence adding new activities to distract from our relationship, as crazy as it sounds because I trigger those issues with his mom. Last year, our couples counselor said he was depressed and recommended anti-depressants, which he tried for 3 months and stopped because he was feeling better. That was 6 months ago - I’m fully aware this is not good and go back and forth with divorce timing. Right now, my focus is on my child and I’m willing to sacrifice my happiness to maintain our “home” and “family” while working on a new version of me. It’s incredibly devastating and I’m mourning the loss everyday. [/quote]

Again, I’m so sorry. It sounds like you have a good handle on the issues. Are you staying in therapy yourself to work on your anxiety? Whenever you end up divorcing, you definitely don’t want to repeat this pattern.[/quote]

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