Reply to S/O: Does talking about negative emotions help you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So as a guy who doesn’t really understand validating, what is it? Is it different than agreeing? Can you still do it in an honest way if you think the person’s feelings are not in proportion to the issue? (I’m not suggesting telling them they’re wrong; but I might struggle to validate emotions if it means pretending a little deal is a big deal.)[/quote]

When John Lennon died I was young and didn’t real know who he was or care.

My mom said , “people are very upset, you need to respect their feelings even if you could not care less”.

Ever time someone tells me something they deeply care about that makes the sad/mad/etc I think… it’s just like when John Lennon died.

Act like John Lennon died.[/quote]

I love this. Just a great shorthand for being understanding and respectful of other people's feelings without having to give advice or try to fix it or whatever. Like just acknowledging they are upset and you understand why, even though you aren't upset because it's not something that impacts you.[/quote]

I don’t think I agree, exactly. Respecting someone’s feelings falls short of validating them. If I’m a crying mess and someone is respectful that’s going to feel cold. Validation requires warmth. [/quote]

Do you understand why people were sad that John Lennon died? or that the Uvalde kids died? Can you validate that those things that did not impact you are terrible and provide not only respect for their feelings but can't you think if I was in your shoes I'd feel sad too, and feel something.

If not you really just can't not feel your feelings and that is not normal. Maybe you can feel anger or joy (laughter) but you are missing.

Also, you don't have to always feel empathy to no be an a$$, my coworker who is an a$$ is going through a bad divorce, I think he deserves it, but when I talk to him I act like "john lennon died"... or "im talking to my friend who is a widow".

No you don't have to feel for everybody but if you feel for nobody, that is not normal.[/quote]

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