Reply to i'm desperate -- weird potty issue

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[quote=Anonymous]We have our own major potty training issue right now that I'm stuck on, so I wouldn't claim to be an expert.

But I think at this point, I'd at least TRY to leave him hanging. He can't hold it all day. At some point, he'll either pee his pants or pee in the toilet. And unlike with poop, while holding it isn't good for him, it's unlikely to create a major issue to hold it a long time one time. So I'd force it. Adjust to meet your/his vibe, but I'd:

-Tell him the night before, that he's old enough to go to the potty at home without mom or dad. For the last one, have both you and your husband take him. Make a big deal about it! Clap! "You're so good at using the potty, we're so proud of you." 
-Put a big fancy toy up on top of the refrigerator, and a candy bar on the back of the toilet. Tell him the first time he goes without mom or dad, he gets BOTH because he's SUCH a big boy! 
-In the morning, when he wakes up, just don't go in the bathroom with him, and if he asks, calmly refuse. "Oh, you're such a big boy! You don't need me. Remember, as soon as you make a pee in the potty by yourself* you get the big present and the candy bar."
-If he screams and cries, DON'T negotiate, though you can do plenty of feelings talk like "I know new things can be hard, but you can do hard things!" Big hug, big smiles, calm demeanor. But NO negotiations.
-If he holds it, do NOT force it, bring it up, discuss it, or anything. Let this be between him and his bladder, not him and you.

I don't think there is any way he's going to make it 24 hours (from bedtime one night until bedtime the night before) without peeing. So either he'll cave and go on the potty, or he'll wet his pants. Either way, you've broken the logjam. Feels like progress.

If he does wet his pants, I'd probably do a long, slow, annoying cleanup, but with no negative energy. "Oops! Looks like you had an accident. That's okay, accidents happen. We'll just get you all cleaned up." Make this process take forever. Maybe with a shower? And then he'll need to help you clean the floor. NOT a punishment. No negative comments about this at all, just natural consequences. And assurances. "Don't worry! I'm sure you'll make it to the potty next time. I've seen you use the potty so many times, I know you can do it, and you're so good at it!" Calm smile.

If he pees in his pants for more than... 3 days? Then I dunno what I'd do. But I think I'd at least let it play out that long.

*You've got to make a call on what you think would be better, no one, or another trust adult (like grandma). If grandma needs to spend the night for this project to work, so be it. [/quote]

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