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[quote=Anonymous]My mom never said this but her actions couldn't have made it more clear - whatever man was in her life was more important than any of her kids.

My father was a narcissistic (truly, not the DCUM conventional type) that when into an alcohol fueled rage every 5-7 days.  He'd trash the house, terrorize and beat everyone.  No one was immune.  One of my earliest memories was of my father beating one of my older brothers with a belt.  My brother was trapped between the door and the wall, curled up, trying to make himself as small a target as possible.  I know exactly what my father was wearing and can still hear, with eerie clarity, my mother pleading with him to stop. My brother was beaten so badly he couldn't participate in PE.  Yet, other than pleading, she did nothing.  It took something far worse for her to actually take us and leave him.  But then, she'd come right back.  It's not as if she didn't have a profession or family that would have helped her.  She just loved him more than she loved us.

My mother re-married about 4 years after my father died (she was 52 when she remarried).  Her 2nd husband was a nice guy - exponentially better than my father.  Yet, she still catered to him, making it clear that he and his family were her primary focus.  By this point, I'd graduated from college and was living independently in the DC area.  My older brother (not the one who'd been beaten) had been in the military for 10 years (he joined to escape) and other than for the funerals of our father and 2 of our siblings, he hadn't been home.  My brother was planning a trip home and had cleared the dates with our mother and me.  I was going to be flying back home for a couple weeks for the visit.  Turns out, my mother got a better offer.  Her DH's adult kids were planning a trip to Florida where they were wintering and she was going to stay and entertain them.

This was similar to what happened several years later.  By this time, I had 3 kids.  DH and I were struggling financially, had our heads above water but weren't vacationing, doing date nights or anything like that.  My mother suggested we come visit her for a week or so during the summer (a 12 hour drive) - bring the kids and hang out.  We agreed on the dates.  Two weeks before we were supposed to leave, she informs me that she would be house/babysitting for one of her DH's kids.  They lived an hour away from her home.  We, of course, were still welcome to stay at her house.  I suggested she just bring her step-granddaughter back to her house (she was around the same age as my kids) and we'd all hang out.  She informed me the girl would be more comfortable in her own home and that she'd have to take her to her various activities.  I asked when we'd be able to get together and she wasn't sure.  I cancelled the trip.  Again, she couldn't have made it more clear that I, and my kids, were not important to her.[/quote]

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