My Mom is currently upset with me because she declared her visit later half of April without giving me specifics. I asked many times and she finally said end of April. We are a family of 4 with lots of activities and commitments but we kept the weekend clear of anything knowing they are coming the last week if April.

We spoke yesterday and I asked again, for specifics on when they will come. I shared that I am going grocery shopping and need to know how much food to buy. She said, she plan to drive up here from my brother’s place on Friday. Happens to be Friday, I am chaperoning my younger child’s field trip to the Zoo that morning. That evening, it’s the school’s father daughter dance. I also volunteered to be a greeter at the dance so all 4 of us will be gone from around 5-8:30.

I said they are welcome to come on Friday and explained our existing commitments. She got annoyed, and said she will discuss with my father and will decide if they come. 🙄

There were other things said, such as me sharing the younger one is sick and a response of, “Your children are always getting sick. Are they eating right? Are you giving them there vitamins?” She typically criticizes my parenting, it’s so upsetting and now I don’t even want them to come.

I wish I had a loving, accepting Mom who is rational and am still grieving over not having one. The good thing is I am doing my best to learn from her mistakes to be loving, supportive, and understanding to my two young daughters. I will more than right her wrongs with them.

Anonymous wrote:My Mom got pregnant with me at 19, did not return to college, was kicked out of her family home, married my foreign young Dad, and put me through college working as a supermarket cashier. She had the energy and brains to do so much more but made sure myself and my sister ended up with college degrees, no loans, and married after age 28 (not before). I miss her very much. My youngest daughter could make her giggle, and I relished her laughter.

Sounds controlling.

Sounds like she was financially and psychologically dependent on men all her life.

My mom never said this but her actions couldn't have made it more clear - whatever man was in her life was more important than any of her kids.

My father was a narcissistic (truly, not the DCUM conventional type) that when into an alcohol fueled rage every 5-7 days. He'd trash the house, terrorize and beat everyone. No one was immune. One of my earliest memories was of my father beating one of my older brothers with a belt. My brother was trapped between the door and the wall, curled up, trying to make himself as small a target as possible. I know exactly what my father was wearing and can still hear, with eerie clarity, my mother pleading with him to stop. My brother was beaten so badly he couldn't participate in PE. Yet, other than pleading, she did nothing. It took something far worse for her to actually take us and leave him. But then, she'd come right back. It's not as if she didn't have a profession or family that would have helped her. She just loved him more than she loved us.

My mother re-married about 4 years after my father died (she was 52 when she remarried). Her 2nd husband was a nice guy - exponentially better than my father. Yet, she still catered to him, making it clear that he and his family were her primary focus. By this point, I'd graduated from college and was living independently in the DC area. My older brother (not the one who'd been beaten) had been in the military for 10 years (he joined to escape) and other than for the funerals of our father and 2 of our siblings, he hadn't been home. My brother was planning a trip home and had cleared the dates with our mother and me. I was going to be flying back home for a couple weeks for the visit. Turns out, my mother got a better offer. Her DH's adult kids were planning a trip to Florida where they were wintering and she was going to stay and entertain them.

This was similar to what happened several years later. By this time, I had 3 kids. DH and I were struggling financially, had our heads above water but weren't vacationing, doing date nights or anything like that. My mother suggested we come visit her for a week or so during the summer (a 12 hour drive) - bring the kids and hang out. We agreed on the dates. Two weeks before we were supposed to leave, she informs me that she would be house/babysitting for one of her DH's kids. They lived an hour away from her home. We, of course, were still welcome to stay at her house. I suggested she just bring her step-granddaughter back to her house (she was around the same age as my kids) and we'd all hang out. She informed me the girl would be more comfortable in her own home and that she'd have to take her to her various activities. I asked when we'd be able to get together and she wasn't sure. I cancelled the trip. Again, she couldn't have made it more clear that I, and my kids, were not important to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:some of my mom's last words were "don't forget to pay the life insurance payment....it's due on October 15".

Widowed at the age of 39 with 3 young daughters, she spent the next 40 something years loving us the best she could in her heartbreak and depression. She worked a simple customer service job, determined to leave something for her kids and grandkids. Was the best grandmother anyone could hope for.

But her dying words summed her up perfectly because her love for us led her to always be thinking about everyone else and she wanted to make sure her funeral expenses were taken care of with her life insurance policy. She never had 2 nickels to rub together, but made sure there was enough so that we didn't have to worry.

She was an incredible woman.

I love this. My mom worked full time all her life, too (before it was common). She was also an amazing cook and baker. She hustled. There should be special old age accommodations for women like this, the ones who paid attention, showed up, stepped up and gave 110% each and every day. You should get back what you contributed. If only.

+1. Agree. some people have a lot of unlucky circumstances they have no control over, yet still give that 110%. If you could ask my mother, though (I'm the PP you replied to), she would say she was paid back quite well having her kids and grandkids around her. And she also had already lost one daughter at the time of her death, which also led to her losing contact with 3 of her beloved grandchildren. So there was A LOT of heartache, but yet she carried on in finding joy and happiness wherever she could. I miss her so much.

Anonymous wrote:some of my mom's last words were "don't forget to pay the life insurance payment....it's due on October 15".

Widowed at the age of 39 with 3 young daughters, she spent the next 40 something years loving us the best she could in her heartbreak and depression. She worked a simple customer service job, determined to leave something for her kids and grandkids. Was the best grandmother anyone could hope for.

But her dying words summed her up perfectly because her love for us led her to always be thinking about everyone else and she wanted to make sure her funeral expenses were taken care of with her life insurance policy. She never had 2 nickels to rub together, but made sure there was enough so that we didn't have to worry.

She was an incredible woman.

I love this. My mom worked full time all her life, too (before it was common). She was also an amazing cook and baker. She hustled. There should be special old age accommodations for women like this, the ones who paid attention, showed up, stepped up and gave 110% each and every day. You should get back what you contributed. If only.

I had a lot of resentment for my mom for various reasons growing up but when I went on an international trip with my future husband and his family. We saw a psychic in their hometown, this lady told me accurate information about my mom....she did what she could for all of us the best way she could andthat I need to let things go, We're better now.

some of my mom's last words were "don't forget to pay the life insurance payment....it's due on October 15".

Widowed at the age of 39 with 3 young daughters, she spent the next 40 something years loving us the best she could in her heartbreak and depression. She worked a simple customer service job, determined to leave something for her kids and grandkids. Was the best grandmother anyone could hope for.

But her dying words summed her up perfectly because her love for us led her to always be thinking about everyone else and she wanted to make sure her funeral expenses were taken care of with her life insurance policy. She never had 2 nickels to rub together, but made sure there was enough so that we didn't have to worry.

She was an incredible woman.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time after dinner someone from work called our home to speak with my dad. He took the call in another room and we could overhear him laughing on the phone to the guy. I said to my mom "That kind of sounds like a fake laugh." And my mother said, "Daddy stopped laughing the day you were born. You just don't know what it sounds like."

A more recent story is that in 2021 my mother wasn't doing so great, and because of Omicron raging nobody in my family was flying to see each other. On the phone to my mother I told her "As soon as things are better, I'll come visit okay? I'll just bring my work laptop and fly out and hang out with you. What could be better than that?" and without missing a beat she replied, "Brian." My brother, her favorite. And then she died that night.

I'm sorry your mom wasn't a good mother to you. I share your pain. I wish I had a heartwarming anecdote from my childhood.

This. She made life miserable. Haven't talked to her in years.

She loved me. I miss her everyday. Seeing Mother’s Day cards makes me sad. I just want to buy one for her. She loved cards and waited for the mailman every day.

My mom is the most amazing person I have known. She is phenomenol in everything she has done. A great beauty, a great intellect, the calmest and most pragmatic person.

She and my dad had a love story for the ages. We used to sit around watching them dance in our living room. She is the most selfless and hard working person I have known and she is clearheaded and has a terrific memory. So sharp and with it. She is an amazing cook and everyone of my friends, my aunts and my SILs have learned to cook from her.

The best thing about my mom is that she raised all of us to love one another. She and my dad created a tight knit family filled with love. My siblings make me so proud that they are such good people and we all look after each other.

She has been very sick but brave and I know she is hanging on for us because I think we will fall apart when she goes. Her siblings too depend on her. She looked after my dad with so much love and dedication for 10 years of his illness. My DH and kids are also close to her because she is a lovely and remarkable human being.

My mom was the best. Like the literal best. She was my best friend and she was like the uber mom to every kid in our small town. She never had an option to go to college or have a profession but she raised her kids to believe we could be anything we wanted. Her baking was legendary. Our house was a second home to so many people because of her. When she died, the whole town lined up for hours to pay respects. Her funeral took place on my son's second birthday - he just turned 19. He was her first grandchild and what breaks my heart is that she didn't get to enjoy that phase of her life. I know this sounds depressing but I feel so lucky to have been raised by someone so amazing.

PPs with heartwarming stories, thank you for sharing. Reading them inspires me to be a better mom.

My Mom got pregnant with me at 19, did not return to college, was kicked out of her family home, married my foreign young Dad, and put me through college working as a supermarket cashier. She had the energy and brains to do so much more but made sure myself and my sister ended up with college degrees, no loans, and married after age 28 (not before). I miss her very much. My youngest daughter could make her giggle, and I relished her laughter.

Anonymous wrote:My mom can drive me nuts but she is loyal and so hard working. She is a very cautious person but flew cross country Oct 2020 to watch my kids when I delivered my new baby. I remember coming home to an empty house. It was sparkling clean. She had gone to get the kids at school. I showered and my tub was gleaming. I later learned she had been scrubbing in her hands and knees (at 65!). No one had ever done that for any of her homecomingYea, shes been kind of cuckoo since then but I just felt so loved and I think - when the chips were down, she flew to the rescue. Btw my inlaws have yet to meet this grandchild! Their choice.

Love this story - your mom sounds great! A lot like mine. I know what you mean about the in laws - it is all about them.