Reply to Wife has a lazy, procrastinator streak

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[quote=Anonymous]This doesn’t necessarily sound like ADHD. You’ve already described the dynamics she grew up in, and it seems more like fear of failing, and wanting others to take control, so as not to get blamed if things don’t go well or ‘perfectly’.

Micromanaging her will only make the push-pull dynamic worse. Try to find healthy outlets when you’re frustrated, and once you begin doing that more consistently, she may find the space to stop blaming you (as a ‘parental’ stand-in), too. Make yourself happy, be kind, and often, the other partner ups their game as well.

Also, “Sounds great!” when she makes a suggestion and “I’m sorry, Honey, I can’t” when she asks you to accomplish something she can do for herself would work fine for most of these situations. How she chooses to actually follow up is on her, which, again, frees you up to live your life more fully.

If things feel really entrenched, individual therapy can be helpful in getting to the core of old patterns.

And kudos to you both for starting to work through this stuff in your early 30s! [/quote]

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