Reply to My dad is planning to live another 20 years

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents are 73 and 81 and also in total denial about aging. They are in good health but refuse to discuss practical planning and are shopping for a new 5000 sf house and have recently moved to a city 500 miles from me (oh, and mom is afraid to fly, so I guess I visit them now). My mom constantly says stuff like "for our next 25 years." It's cute in a way, but utterly delusional and sad in another. Thankfully, they are well-off enough to be able to ditch a new suburban McMansion when they need to, and they'll need to, but I worry that their poor decisions will result in things like falls that could have been avoided (oh yeah, they're also getting a puppy).

None of these things is terrible, some are motivating, but it's a concerning pattern of denial and inappropriate choices overall. I am waiting for the shoe to drop every day, which isn't healthy for me either. It feels like a tremendous burden.

If your dad is just saying this to be optimistic and trying to financially plan for things so that he is not a burden on you, that seems reasonable. Help him plan in a way that alleviates some of the burden from you. Are you an only child? I am. It can be hard.[/quote]

This is such a mix of encouraging and sad!  It's great that they feel so good, but I can't imagine buying such a big house and getting a puppy at their ages.  I'm ready to downsize now at mid 50s!  
[/quote]

DH's parents downsized to 2100 sq feet, mostly on one floor, in their late 70s. My parents were older and recently deceased at the time they made this move. I mentioned to DH that a move to a CCRC, if they were going to move, made more sense logistically and financially based on what I learned in the years helping my parents. He listened and said that he thought his parents should do what they wanted. I get that. They also have/had more money than my parents so more options.

Just last week I had an extended call with my MiL. We covered a lot of ground, then she pivoted to health issues with some of their close friends who are in a small home in a CCRC. She admitted that she just wasn't aware of these options when they downsized. Says she loves their place yet also wishes someone else handled all the maintenance, etc. She also appreciates that CCRCs appear to have a path from AL onwards when there are changes with a resident's physical and mental health. She talked about how meals are prepared when you do not want to make food, etc. She is in her early 80s, still with a lot of energy and vigor, but caring for someone with dementia is not easy. [/quote]

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