Reply to What do I owe my parents in terms of eldercare?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You don’t owe them anything. That said, offer as much as you feel comfortable. For me, I contributed my time and effort to navigate the Medicaid process to get them into long term care. I asked my sibling to help with some of the financial paperwork but did most of the work myself. My parent lived with me for a few months (paying way below market room and board), but after a fall and long hospitalization, I refused to let them come back (fall risk and no one at home to take watch, house inaccessible). My obligation was that they were not homeless and medical care taken care of. I was not going to damage my finances or family dynamics or sanity by having a dependent elderly person in my home.[/quote]

You charged your parent to live with you?[/quote]
DP
When my father came to live with us for what turned out to be his final illness, my sister and he insisted on paying us.  At the time, my sister was also going through an illness and my house made the most sense.  I protested, but accepted as they were not going to back down.  It turned out to be a blessing as it made me feel like they appreciated what I was doing.  It was one symbol or token.  It was more than R&B, I was basically a nurse, aide, caregiver as he went from his cancer surgery through radiation and into hospice and ultimately death.  It was nine months that became increasingly hard to do, but it was a good death and I am glad we were able to give it to him.  In addition to visiting several times, she and her family came twice to give us a break.  They were/are a 7 hour drive away.  [/quote]

OP, you may want to heed PP's words here in how the sibling who lived at the distance provided caregiver breaks. Yes, the travel can be tough and draining but it is what it is.

I think the financial disparity between how your parents supported your two other siblings v you is tough, but also DK how to navigate. Money can make people crazy. My parents were very good about being transparent as well as clearly striving about treating each one of us equally. I think that is what really helped us work together when the last years came with our parents. [/quote]

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