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[quote=Anonymous]This may not answer your question directly, but here's how I navigated my parents' decline, illnesses, and eventual death, with two intermittently functional siblings and tons of family dysfunction.

I spent a good chunk of time talking to my parents individually and together about what they wanted long term. What were their concerns/hopes/goals for their old age and death? What were their top priorities? What did they most want from me?

Some of their answers surprised me. Some let me off the hook a bit, others gave me very clear requests for what they wanted/needed.  All of the answers helped me navigate tough times. They also had the foresight to let my siblings know what their preferences were, and to take care of critical things like healthcare proxies, power of attorney, trusts, wills, etc... - that made a HUGE difference.

Things weren't perfect but at several key moments I was able to make decisions based on what I'd discussed with them - rather than on what a sibling thought or what I was guessing at. And knowing I used their wishes as a guiding mechanism gave me peace/comfort for hard decisions or after they had died.

Hopefully your parents have talked w/ each other about these kinds of issues, so they may know what they want. And if they haven't, you can help them have those conversations and that is a gift also. For me, I disagreed w/some of my parents choices, but I know that I honored their wishes. That is comforting to me now that they're gone.

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