Reply to What do I owe my parents in terms of eldercare?

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[quote=Anonymous]In my experience, there are some siblings that are more hands on, and others who check out or help as they are able because they know that other siblings have it under control (or because they lack resources, emotional or financial).  Since you live so far away, it sounds like you will not be called upon for much other than money, if needed.  It also sounds like your sibs "owe" your parents more than you based on family history.

If you are truly wanting to think about how you can be helpful, your role is to support the worker bee sibs as you are able.  I would defer to them on care decisions because they are the ones who are going to be doing the hard work when the time comes.  Be honest about how much you can contribute financially and be at peace.

What you don't want to do is try and barge in and be a pain for your siblings who are doing the day to day work.

I think your sibs are well aware that you are going to be minimally helpful due to distance, and the upside for them is that you don't get much of a vote.  So be helpful and go along with what they want to do.[/quote]

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