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[quote=Anonymous]Thank you 12:04, a good reminder. I really am much better about neither criticizing nor micromanaging DH, but I still do it on occasion. I am also better about not helping out as much. I used to run around the house every morning helping him look for cell phone, keys, etc.while every time saying "you should put them in the same place every day." Then I realized that he was not even bothering to look for them. He'd come downstairs and ask me "have you seen my X" before he even started to look. So I stopped helping and would say "sorry I haven't' (even when I knew where they were).

I also reduced my expectations. I decided that either I could get really resentful of doing more, or I could ask DH to do more, with some success, or I could do less. I found a combination of the latter two to work out.For example, lately, I have been too busy to make dinner every night--in additon to mucho f the cleaning, childcare and all the financies, Id o all the cooking (DH does the shopping, we split dishes). So instead of getting resentful about this, , I just said "I'm really too busy to cook dinner every night these days. Maybe you can help me out in some way, either making some dinners or buying ready made stuff." I did not tell him what to make, or when to make it, but asked for some help. So this weekend, he bought a bunch of stuff that was more or less premade (trader joes) and stuff to make lasanga (one of the few dishes he makes).

The key is not to start out critical, but to start out asking for help. I know I am much more receptive if I feel like I am being asked rather than criticized. [/quote]

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