Reply to How to help teen who lost all their elem-mid school friends because of rumors and bullying, canceled

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[quote=Anonymous]I feel ya OP. My DD went through something similar in 4th and 8th grade.  DD is now in 9th, and has a whole new set of friends, who are so much kinder and supportive of her.

I think some of the friendship issues she had in 8th grade were due to jealousy, but I can only guess.  The "queen bee" basically shut my DD out, and she ended up eating lunch alone for several weeks.  The really sad part of this was that my DD brought this queen bee into her friend group because the queen bee came into MS without a core friend group. She was not a queen bee when she started MS, so my DD took her under her wing.  Then the girl basically took over the friend group and pushed DD out.

I bought the book "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls" when this was happening, and read a few chapters. Oh my, this explained so much, not only about what DD was going through, but what had happened to me when I was a teen and had friendship issues. I shared what I had learned from the book with DD, and it really resonated with her, too.

She got through it by getting closer to a girl that she didn't normally hang out with that much in school, and this friend was very kind to her when she found out what was going on. I also spent a lot of time with DD when this was happening.

If you can't do a COSA, encourage your DD to engage with a not-as-close friend and see if they are open to letting your DD into that friend group.

In 9th grade, DD got closer to some kids she was friendly with in MS but didn't really hang out with them.  They had classes together, and got really close.  They have been a much better friend group to her than her MS group of friends.

Side note: the MS friend group eventually fractured when they got to HS.[/quote]

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