Reply to What punishments are acceptable for 18+ year olds?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s very easy to say “my house my rules” or “if you don’t like the rules pay for XYZ yourself” but if you purposely inhibit your child from having the financial means to pay for XYZ on a continual basis (such as withholding the car necessary to get to work), it’s because you like being able to control your adult child with money. If you told your teen they aren’t allowed to work, of course they don’t have money, and you like that because it makes them easier to control.[/quote]

THIS. Parents who are still trying to punish their kids after they are legally adults are likely locked into a codependent relationship with them and don't like this person having independence. They set them up to fail and then "punish" them when they do, because they don't know how to shift their parent-child relationship away from one of dependency and control to one of independence and support.

My parents became jealous of my siblings and at this stage in our lives. They made mistakes in their late teens/early 20s that resulted in marriage and a family and a lot of responsibility at a young age. So when we hit that age my parents were mad that we were getting to do things they had not gotten to do. Rather than be proud of us for making good choices and having bright futures, they became petty and controlling and would fly into a rage about stuff like missing a family birthday to take a final, or choosing to take a summer job far away so we couldn't stay and help them with childcare. It was really dysfunctional.[/quote]

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