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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom recently received a diagnosis that will lead to severely diminished physical ability. She and dad are talking about assisted suicide (for both, he doesn't want to be alone). It makes me so sad. I love them and am happy to help them, and they can afford to hire a home aide. They are welcome to live with me but don't want to move.

I'm sad about the idea of losing them, but also sad they can't contemplate being dependent.  Let people love you. [/quote]

Until you have watched a love one descend into utter helplessness or into abusive tirades and physically lashing out at family caregivers and hired caregivers I don't think you will be able to fathom what these decisions are truly about. I have been at this for close to a decade. I thought it would be me showering parents and inlaws with love and visits full of smiles and helping and getting that warm fuzzy feeling that I am showing them love. LOL! It may be tolerable the first few years of watching a painful decline into hell or having someone you had a relationship with before throw verbal knives at all the right places and scream at you what a worthless peace of garbage you are. You know that sibling you tolerated, but never really thought had your back? Well suddenly she blames you and thinks you deserve that. Mom starts making accusations against you-insane accusations and she feeds right in and next thing you know mom is funding all sorts of things for sibling and her children. You know all those trips you made and all that help you gave?It is not only forgotten, but you are now the worst person who ever was born into this family. You find yourself crying hysterically in therapy every time until your own life crisis hits and you have to make a decision. Be there for the family you created or continue to subject yourself to abuse at the expense of your family. You find the only time you can breathe and feel normal and sane is when you are anywhere but near that parent. Caring for your ill husband is a piece of cake in comparison because he actually says thank you and enjoys your company AND he never accuses you of anything.

I was once so naive. I don't think anyone can judge assisted suicide until they have seen how family members can either descent into complete misery and dependence or descend into tyrants. At one point I seriously wondered if my mother might hire a hitman. She was that paranoid and full of rage directed toward me or anyone who got too close.[/quote]

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