Reply to Why does the silent treatment hurt so much?

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[quote=Anonymous]"Withdrawing attention" is an immature and emotionally stunted way to avoid taking responsibility for saying or doing things that hurt others or create conflict.

When I was 22 I had a best girlfriend who I thought of as my sister. She said something really insulting and horrible about me, in front of me and all of our friends. I called her out on it and she denied, then tried to gaslight me, then finally just started to pretend I didn't exist, at all. Which was interesting since we were roommates. I lived three months with someone who never even acknowledged my presence...fun times.

For years I tried to figure out what I did to deserve that kind of behavior. I finally realized that even if I had done something upsetting, she did not handle it maturely or respectfully. She could've talked to me but instead ended our years-long friendship abruptly rather than acknowledge what happened or even attempt to apologize.

This is a form of unhealthy manipulation and your children are seeing that it's a way that people cope with conflict. I would agree therapy for you is a priority to find out why you think being treated this way is okay, and to create a path forward for yourself. I dealt with this kind of behavior daily for three months and it was devastating...I can't imagine how a spouse doing it regularly feels.[/quote]

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