Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

Ew. Don’t listen to this person.

He sounds abusive and manipulative on top of being homophobic.

This is classic narcissist behavior.

Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

You have serious problems. The real question is why can't OP's husband verbalize what is causing him to get irritated, upset, angry etc., rather than acting like he is 5 years old and ignoring someone? Giving someone the silent treatment is a form of control and abuse. The OP should not allow herself to be treated this way. I'm very sorry, OP. You deserve better than this.

Giving someone the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse.

According to your husband, everyone loves him at work. Yeah, right.

PP here...I also had a grandmother who used the silent treatment as manipulation or a power play. She would stop speaking to my parents or my uncle for the stupidest things...she once didn't speak to my uncle for five years because he said he didn't think the couch she bought was the best color. We would laugh and be like, "Oh that's how Grandma is" and honestly I think that's why I didn't push back when my friend did it to me. It took me a long time to understand that that was NOT a healthy way to cope with the dynamics of a relationship for my grandmother or my friend. So your kids may, at some point, give someone else the silent treatment and think it's okay, or get the silent treatment and think it's okay, and suffer in silence.

"Withdrawing attention" is an immature and emotionally stunted way to avoid taking responsibility for saying or doing things that hurt others or create conflict.

When I was 22 I had a best girlfriend who I thought of as my sister. She said something really insulting and horrible about me, in front of me and all of our friends. I called her out on it and she denied, then tried to gaslight me, then finally just started to pretend I didn't exist, at all. Which was interesting since we were roommates. I lived three months with someone who never even acknowledged my presence...fun times.

For years I tried to figure out what I did to deserve that kind of behavior. I finally realized that even if I had done something upsetting, she did not handle it maturely or respectfully. She could've talked to me but instead ended our years-long friendship abruptly rather than acknowledge what happened or even attempt to apologize.

This is a form of unhealthy manipulation and your children are seeing that it's a way that people cope with conflict. I would agree therapy for you is a priority to find out why you think being treated this way is okay, and to create a path forward for yourself. I dealt with this kind of behavior daily for three months and it was devastating...I can't imagine how a spouse doing it regularly feels.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

Look, the wife beater has entered the chat!

Look, the angry feminist is trying to make the OP a victim. Silent treatment does not equal a wife beater. So ridiculous.

Beating your spouse/kid and refusing to talk to them with no explanation for days/weeks are both abusive. One is physical abuse and the other is mental abuse. You don’t have to be a feminist to see that. You just have to have a basic sense of how to treat people.

Or do you think it’s totally fine for a spouse to stop talking to their spouse for days/weeks with no acknowledgment? Is that okay?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

Look, the wife beater has entered the chat!

Look, the angry feminist is trying to make the OP a victim. Silent treatment does not equal a wife beater. So ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

No, the real question is why you think it’s okay to blame the victim here. Let’s be clear—this isn’t “withdrawing.” This is days and days of refusing to speak to or acknowledge one’s spouse repeatedly. It’s cruel. No one is saying that OP doesn’t do anything to annoy her spouse. That’s a dynamic of every relationship and to be expected. What’s not okay is shutting down for days. He can say to her, “I need some space, and then we can talk about what happened.” That’s what a mature adult says. Instead, he engages in a silent treatment to punish OP.

And just for kicks, let’s replace “withdraw” with “punch you.”

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to stop doing the things that cause him to punch you.”
See how that’s not really where you want to go with that twisted reasoning?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to F off. He’s not talking to you anyway. Or just ignore him indefinitely. Build your life without him, without any expectation that the two of you will interact again. Move to the guest room.

Honestly, why bother with this clown? He’s not a husband or partner.

I bother and have taken this shit for so long because I don’t think it’s who he really is and I know he loves. People he works with love him . So it makes it very confusing to know what to do

OP, abusers aren't mean to everyone.

Get therapy for you. You deserve it. Decide from there how you want to live the rest of your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to F off. He’s not talking to you anyway. Or just ignore him indefinitely. Build your life without him, without any expectation that the two of you will interact again. Move to the guest room.

Honestly, why bother with this clown? He’s not a husband or partner.

I bother and have taken this shit for so long because I don’t think it’s who he really is and I know he loves. People he works with love him . So it makes it very confusing to know what to do

The fact that people love him at work is irrelevant. Of course this is who he is. You’ve been posting about it for years, yes? It won’t change unless you stop tolerating it.

Anonymous wrote:When you do something that deserves withdrawal of his attention, he withdraws his attention.

Cause and effect.

Real question is why it’s so hard for you to learn to stop doing the things that cause him to withdraw his attention.

Look, the wife beater has entered the chat!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to F off. He’s not talking to you anyway. Or just ignore him indefinitely. Build your life without him, without any expectation that the two of you will interact again. Move to the guest room.

Honestly, why bother with this clown? He’s not a husband or partner.

I bother and have taken this shit for so long because I don’t think it’s who he really is and I know he loves. People he works with love him . So it makes it very confusing to know what to do

He is showing you who he is.