Reply to Maintaining relationship with XIL’s/grandparents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Please clarify: These are HIS children? If so, does the kid’s birth mother want her kids around alcoholic dad and okay with you leaving town? How long has your husband been in recovery? Are grandparents aware that your husband is in recovery? Honestly, a trip to visit people (while separated) seems like more than you should take on.[/quote]
These questions make no sense. Birth mother?

OP, I’d wait. See how things go over the next couple of months. Once you have clarity in the future of the relationship, it will be easier to figure out how to handle. I would not bring his mom into it for now while things are still up in the air.[/quote]

Op here. Thanks. [b]I feel bad because they want to see each other and it feels like I’m in the way of that[/b], though I’m in the way because he’s proven to be unsafe. But wait and see is probably the best for this just like everyone else right now.

To the PP, the kids are mine and my husbands. There are no other parents involved. He’s been sober a couple of months - which is great, but no where near long enough. [/quote]

You are not in the way of his parent’s relationship with your kids. His alcoholism is in the way. His inability to be truthful with them about rehab and his marital separation his in the way.  The centrality of alcohol in his parent’s lives is in the way. The fact that you are the only one unwilling to pretend there is an elephant in the room doesn’t make you the problem.

This is what it looks like in a family system not affected by alcoholism -   My Dad is the kind of guy who has a glass of wine with dinner.  If he is hosting dinner he will offer pre-dinner drinks. There’s an entire closet full of alcohol in his house.  But when I asked my parents to stop serving alcohol when we came over with my DH (now Ex) who had a drinking problem, It took one ask and the answer was immediately - sure, no problem. I was never criticized. No one lamented their freedom to drink was being taken away. No one took offense.  No one called me controlling. It was as if I had said, I’m allergic to your dog, can you put it in another room while I’m here.

You are not the problem. [/quote]

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