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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s not your job to police environments that you think may or may not be good for his recovery. Focus on the children only. If you don’t want to take them then let him take them himself. [/quote]

The issue of the in laws is very hard. BTDT. I agree that it’s not your job to control his drinking or his parents’ drinking but you do get to control what kind of environment you want to be in and what kind of environment you want the kids to be in.

You can say, “I don’t want to visit your Mom because there is alcohol everywhere. Your recovery is so new that *I* don’t want to be around alcohol and you. It’s too stressful for *me*.   I also don’t feel comfortable visiting with your parents and lying or hiding our separation and your ongoing rehab.  I am not OK with you taking the kids by yourself because you have driven drunk with them.  Etc.

You can say what you would be comfortable with - they come here, you go to visit them but don’t stay with them. Go for a day instead of 5.  Have more Zoom time. You visit, but make it clear that if your husband drinks at all there, you will leave immediately.  Whatever options work for you.

Your husband does not get to have family visits just the same way they were before.  That is part of rehab - accepting responsibility for the consequences of addiction.  Maybe he can’t stay in parent’s home again. Maybe he can’t appear to others as if he has a marriage that is good.  Maybe his kids aren’t gonna have a close relationship with the grandparents because of the way alcohol is so accessible in their home and that no longer works for your family.  Acknowledging you’re an alcoholic means acknowledging that there are consequences to your addiction and many things will have to change.  He/you can’t just think - well he’ll get sober and then come back and everything will go back to what it was. [/quote]

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