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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother took care of my grandmother, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, at home for about 12 years. The caregiving started when I was a teenager. There was nothing about the experience I would want to repeat. It was awful. My mother's life revolved around my grandmother's all-consuming care.

My mother ended up dying 18 months after her mother died. She thought she was gonna be free after the caregiving ended. But she was not. Instead she became a cancer patient and died quickly thereafter.

I know I loved my grandmother at some point. But I don't remember that anymore. I am just angry at her for robbing me of a normal relationship with my mom. I know she did not do it on purpose. I get all that. But. I wish instead my mom would have placed her in a facility near us where we could interact with her without all the stress the caregiving introduced into our family.

Don't do this to yourself and your kids.

[/quote]

Thank you for sharing this story. Women are sold this myth that endless sacrifice for your parents will reap rewards and teach your kids to do the same for you and you will be blessed. Nope. The truth is a lot of people deplete themselves to the point of serious illness, a lot die at a younger age than their own parent and it can be damaging to the families they created.

My dad grew up with crazy elderly grandma in the house. He resented it. As soon as he went off to college, he never came back and he hated his mother for always putting grandma first. He did not visit his mother when she was dying. His childhood is filled with bad memories and guilt trips. it is a gift to teach your kid healthy boundaries. You can love grandma, visit her and still take care of yourself and make your own family you created a priority.[/quote]

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