Anonymous wrote:Parent didn’t live with us but we took kids to visit multiple times per week from preschool to middle school age. I think it taught them empathy and patience but I realize living with them full time might have been very different and much harder.

Anonymous wrote:My mother took care of my grandmother, who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, at home for about 12 years. The caregiving started when I was a teenager. There was nothing about the experience I would want to repeat. It was awful. My mother's life revolved around my grandmother's all-consuming care.

My mother ended up dying 18 months after her mother died. She thought she was gonna be free after the caregiving ended. But she was not. Instead she became a cancer patient and died quickly thereafter.

I know I loved my grandmother at some point. But I don't remember that anymore. I am just angry at her for robbing me of a normal relationship with my mom. I know she did not do it on purpose. I get all that. But. I wish instead my mom would have placed her in a facility near us where we could interact with her without all the stress the caregiving introduced into our family.

Don't do this to yourself and your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think that PP was trying to judge but rather to say that there can be positives.

I see both sides of this. I also, as a child, spent months living with a completely senile grandparent. There was no violence but it was scary, unpredictable and very isolating. Two things can be true: I was too young and should not have had this exposure AND I learned a great deal from my mother’s sacrifice. I am still in awe of what she did and gave up to do the right thing (there was no option of a nice medical facility). I feel like I gained something morally but lost something psychologically, if that makes sense.

Anonymous wrote:the “good people “ comment really touched a nerve. I think it’s great your parents were able to handle taking care of both their parents with Alzheimer’s and their school age kids and it set a good example of responsibility.

This option is not for everyone depending on how Alzheimer’s is presenting, safety issues, how old the kids are , etc.

I don’t think the “good people “ poster meant to be judgmental.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparent with dementia lived with my family when I was a teenager. Yes, it was difficult sometimes, but my siblings and I learned good things from the experience.

We learned about taking care of the elderly, we learned that a person is still loved and worthy of our care even when their personality seems to have gone from their body. We learned that our parents were willing to make sacrifices to take care of their parents: a lesson that we learned well and thought back on many years later while we were taking care of our parent with dementia.

We also learned that life is not always perfect and that people are not always perfect, but we continue to care for and love people even when it is very, very difficult. Because that is what good people do. And my parents gave us an unforgettable example of what it means to be and how to be a good person. I am very thankful today for that experience of my grandparent living and eventually dying within the care of my family.

If your loved ones never experienced sundowning/insomnia, dementia-related aggression, exit-seeking/elopement, self-injurious behaviors like biting themself, inappropriate sexual behavior, coprophagia, and all the other potentially harmful and dangerous behaviors that can result from dementia, well, lucky you. But don't judge the rest of us who are trying to deal with it and to keep our innocent children safe from it.

Some people with dementia require 24/7 supervision and cannot safely live in a household with children, period. That's the unpleasant truth. So stop patting yourself on the back for being such a good person. You're just lucky that these things didn't come up for you.

We did deal with some of these things, with four children in the house. I was the oldest, a high school student at the time. I totally get that not everyone can handle this kind of care, I was just pointing out the good things I learned from it.

It certainly was not easy and my parents, particularly my mother, made huge sacrifices to care for my grandparent. Someone had to be there every moment, and even then, there was wandering and inappropriate behavior. And this was long before as much was known about dementias as is known now. But it was not all bad. And I hugely admire my parents for what they did, even though it was very difficult for all of us as a family at that time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparent with dementia lived with my family when I was a teenager. Yes, it was difficult sometimes, but my siblings and I learned good things from the experience.

We learned about taking care of the elderly, we learned that a person is still loved and worthy of our care even when their personality seems to have gone from their body. We learned that our parents were willing to make sacrifices to take care of their parents: a lesson that we learned well and thought back on many years later while we were taking care of our parent with dementia.

We also learned that life is not always perfect and that people are not always perfect, but we continue to care for and love people even when it is very, very difficult. Because that is what good people do. And my parents gave us an unforgettable example of what it means to be and how to be a good person. I am very thankful today for that experience of my grandparent living and eventually dying within the care of my family.

If your loved ones never experienced sundowning/insomnia, dementia-related aggression, exit-seeking/elopement, self-injurious behaviors like biting themself, inappropriate sexual behavior, coprophagia, and all the other potentially harmful and dangerous behaviors that can result from dementia, well, lucky you. But don't judge the rest of us who are trying to deal with it and to keep our innocent children safe from it.

Some people with dementia require 24/7 supervision and cannot safely live in a household with children, period. That's the unpleasant truth. So stop patting yourself on the back for being such a good person. You're just lucky that these things didn't come up for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandparent with dementia lived with my family when I was a teenager. Yes, it was difficult sometimes, but my siblings and I learned good things from the experience.

We learned about taking care of the elderly, we learned that a person is still loved and worthy of our care even when their personality seems to have gone from their body. We learned that our parents were willing to make sacrifices to take care of their parents: a lesson that we learned well and thought back on many years later while we were taking care of our parent with dementia.

We also learned that life is not always perfect and that people are not always perfect, but we continue to care for and love people even when it is very, very difficult. Because that is what good people do. And my parents gave us an unforgettable example of what it means to be and how to be a good person. I am very thankful today for that experience of my grandparent living and eventually dying within the care of my family.

If your loved ones never experienced sundowning/insomnia, dementia-related aggression, exit-seeking/elopement, self-injurious behaviors like biting themself, inappropriate sexual behavior, coprophagia, and all the other potentially harmful and dangerous behaviors that can result from dementia, well, lucky you. But don't judge the rest of us who are trying to deal with it and to keep our innocent children safe from it.

Some people with dementia require 24/7 supervision and cannot safely live in a household with children, period. That's the unpleasant truth. So stop patting yourself on the back for being such a good person. You're just lucky that these things didn't come up for you.