Reply to I love my MIL, but I really need help with this situation

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Reply to "I love my MIL, but I really need help with this situation"

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[quote=Anonymous] [/quote]
OP, you need to start by thinking about the language you use in this situation. "Emotional blackmail" is a terrible, loaded term and I sense that it came naturally to you to use because even though you tout how much you supposedly like MIL, you might not actually. This "blackmail" you speak of sounds to me like it's actually coming from a good place from MIL (the desire to see you and spend time with your family) and I'm not entirely understanding of all the background info you offered up about the lakehouse and how MIL wants you to come there lots and lots. How does that figure into the decision about attending this "big birthday" celebration of MIL which just happens to be at said lakehouse? Seems to me that you're allowing your pent up frustration/anger/annoyance about MIL pressuring you to spend your limited vaca time with them to cloud how you are looking at this particular, special event. By the way, as the mother of two boys I hope to one day be a MIL like yours who appreciates and compliments and respects her DIL and tries to be generous and build a big, loving extended family. [/quote]

Fair enough.  I do actually love MIL, but this business about family time is one place where we have been at odds for years (and the constant badgering about when were we going to have kids for the first 5 years we were together, but that one has since resolved itself).  The thing is that they invite us enough places each year that if we said yes we would use ALL of our vacation time (3 weeks), and each time we decline we get guilt tripped.  She just only hears what she wants to hear when it comes to family togetherness.  And while it is a worthwhile goal and I do support family togetherness - yes, with my inlaws as well as my own family - I get aggravated that she really just ignores the difficulties and concerns, like that DS1 will be absolutely terrified and out of sorts the whole time, and just keeps repeating what she wants to be the truth, that he will love it.  We hosted the entire immediate clan this fall, and I was a very gracious hostess to all of DH's siblings, their kids, etc. for a long weekend, so it's not like I am sitting in my bubble refusing to play at all.  [/quote]

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