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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What is the problem ?[/quote]

I asked the above question because it would be helpful for the parent to articulate the issue in a clear & concise manner rather than to encourage speculation from anonymous posters.

(This post is not to criticize, just to explain why I posed the question "What is the problem ?".)[/quote]

OP here. It’s a fair question. Here’s what I worry about: (1) she’s actually not happy and she’s hiding/compensating for mental issues we could get help for; and (2) her aversion to social interaction will interfere with her ability to launch into adulthood. She’s very smart and she wants to go to college. I don’t want her to get there and then crash and burn due to social issues.

To the pp talking about an evaluation, it has crossed my mind, but what would I tell DD. In her shoes, I might feel hurt my parents think I have a disability when I don’t see anything wrong.[/quote]

Well, my thought was that if she had academic struggles there is always the "we're going to see a learning specialist to find out more about how you think and how to make learning X easier." angle. But if the only deficit is social, and she is not acknowledging it, it is trickier. One thought is that you could start with a social skills group and then at the end of that see if the leader thinks and evaluation would be worthwhile. She probably won't want to do it, but it's fine to be gentle but direct with her about the utility of social skills. "Larla, you've always said that you dislike being around people and I respect that. But now that you are a teenager, other people will start to have expectations for how you interact with them. Things that were fine when you were younger (e.g., not responding, not looking when someone is talking) now seem rude to some people. It's important to know how to do these things so that you can do them when you need to. It's not fair, but it will give people a mis-impression about you if you don't do them."

I give some version of this talk when I want to teach my son to do something. Like at home he constantly talks to himself and I recently realized he was doing it in stores when we were shopping separately. He is 14 and tall. I explained that I like to talk to myself too, but it looks weird and makes other people uncomfortable especially now that he is "as big as a grown up". We also went on an outing with another family last week and I noticed when we ate lunch he sat with his body turned away from the other kid. After lunch I said I noticed and didn't think the other kid had (which was a lie) but that sitting turned away sent a message he didn't like the kid and next time he should try just move his chair and say "excuse me, I just need a little space" because I know he does like the kid, he just wanted a little more space.

I understand that it's unfair to ask neurodivergent people to "mask" and conform to every social standard, but I also think it's important to point out what the rules are (because they may not realize) and help them have the skills in case they want to use them. [/quote]

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