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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has anyone successfully navigated or changed the well-known dynamic where visits with ILs are stifling, due to the whole “we expect our guests [or hosts] to give us full attention 24/7, and even reading a magazine is rude”? Our last visit with ILs over the holidays was painful—absolutely stifling—and it’s getting to the point where my kids are old enough to notice, want time to themselves, and are very uncomfortable when ILs are around.

ILs are able-bodied and have their full mental faculties. This has been a longstanding dynamic, it’s just now at a point where it’s not just DH and me noticing it, the kids are starting to dread their visits, too. [b]They simply don’t want to sit around in a circle and “chat” all the time. They want to be able to move about the house (our own house!) freely, without getting accused of “disappearing” every time they dare to go to their rooms to play or read or relax for a bit. My oldest nearly snapped when they loudly asked “WHERE WERE YOU” for the 500th time, and she was simply in the bathroom. She’s getting to be the age where she doesn’t want to discuss that she was in the bathroom. [/b]

We plan lots of activities, and DH and I run point between ILs and the kids to protect them from the constant observation and commentary. ILs being dreaded by my kids is basically ILs reaping what they sowed. I want the dynamic to change for the better, and I don’t want to distance ourselves from ILs, but it’s to the point where when we say we’re going to visit ILs or they are coming here, my kids are not into it, at all.

Has anyone ever succceeded in trying to get people to chill out during visits and not expect 100% Together Time, constantly talking and staring? [/quote]

OP, I think your ILs have expectations that the children will sit and be social.  What you describe can be seen as rude behavior.  The kids should sit and make conversation with the ILs who have come to see them.  I don't believe  your story about the bathroom[/quote]

:roll: [/quote]

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