Reply to And then the day comes: Long term partner

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At 85 and 89 the whole thing is a house of cards OP.  And it's a wakeup call for everyone involved.  So there is some good news here (or at least important information you're getting):
- the current injury is just a broken arm. It could be a lot worse.
- your FIL is lucid and able to make decisions for himself
- your FIL is currently in a safe, well supervised setting
- your FIL has a home of his own
- his partner has clear boundaries - she's telling you her limits, not dodging the conversation
- you can plan for next steps, longer term, etc... and your FIL can be part of that planning. You're not in an imminently life threatening crisis. He can also talk directly w/ his partner - they are adults and you can expect them to take some responsibility for communicating w/ each other (of course, presuming cognitive capabilities).

The bad news is that the partner is not accepting responsibility, but the reality is that even if she were willing to support someone else's convalescence, an 85 year old woman cannot be expected to be a safe, long-term solution for caregiving. No matter the relationship between them or the individual desires to help (or not).

Safety first. And expecting an 85 year old woman to care for an 89 year old man, is not a great plan. Regardless of what anyone does or does not want.[/quote]
+1
Caregiving can be physically demanding, and you can really hurt yourself trying to manage someone if you're not strong enough.  She can provide various kinds of assistance (and I'm not sure that we should assume that she won't) without him living in her home.  But expecting two people in their late 80s to be each other's primary caregivers at this point is not a good plan.  [/quote]

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