Reply to And then the day comes: Long term partner

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP - At 89. you and DH should assume that FIL will not just &quot;bounce right back,&quot; and your DH should encourage his father to look at CCRC at least as a possible site to choose an independent living unit now while he is healthy and of sound mind, and even there arrange for some additional in unit support for dressing/bathing and overnight for a time.    The other option will be to hire an agency that can provide a variety of different services he will need in the short term from your description such as: medication/possible wound management,  personal care in bathing & shaving and dressing, meal prep as you need two arms working to safely even just heat up or microwave, shopping for food & errands, driving to PT once any in-home visits end, laundry and home cleaning.   If you are going to try in-home, I would focus on coverage at night as it is unlikely your FIL can safely manage getting out of bed to use the bathroom alone.

If DH wants to give Dad the best chance to be able to return to his home, I would have him work to see if FIL could go to a skilled rehab or place with short-term assisted living and rehab so that he would have many of the needed services at hand.  I believe saying that Dad could not safely be at home on his own might be able to get Medicare to pay for some of such a stay.  But again, if he has the funds a CCRC might be the best place now and long term.  Who knows he might also find he can meet more than one woman in her mid-80s to do things with and enjoy his life with.  Unfortunately, FIL and his partner never had &quot;the talk&quot; about how they might handle a serious illness, serious injury or memory issues so that realistic decisions could have been made for both of their benefits.  Married or not, you can see how easily two folks in their mid to late 80s can both go downhill together with the primary caregiver often going first&gt;

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