Reply to How do I write the name in the address of a sympathy card to an aunt whose husband recently died?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Formally and traditionally, she is and always will be Mrs. John Smith - unless of course she marries again.[/quote]

No, just no. Use her actual first name and whatever last name she used. Women are not their husbands’ property![/quote]
I'm not my husband's property, but I'm very happy to be  Mrs. HIS FIRST NAME    OUR LAST NAME[/quote]

I would address it to Aunt Bernice Smith, personally. This is a moment to be familiar, not to be weirdly formal.[/quote]

I love that you'd write "Aunt" on the envelope going in the mail. Reminds me of when I tried to send my grandma a card and my parents didn't catch that I addressed it to "Grandma" AND left the apartment number off the address. It came  back to us with a note from a mailman clearly having a trying time, that said, "There  are a LOT of grandmas in this building - which one!?" [/quote]

Of course I'd write aunt on the card. That's who she is to me. I would also give her name - HER name, not her husband's name - and address, so it can reach her.

I address cards to my parents as Mom and Dad Smith, too. I am not suggesting everyone do exactly as I do, but I can't fathom in a hundred million years addressing a relative as Mrs. Husband's Name. I can't imagine addressing anyone that way - I am 49, this seems just wildly old fashioned to me - but especially not someone who is my blood.[/quote]

On the card, or the envelope?

I always use last names on envelopes.  If' I'm sending a birthday card to my 2 year old nephew I write "Larlo Higgenbotham" and "Hildegarde Merriweather" for the return address even though inside I'll write "Pumpkin" and "Love, Auntie Hilda".  [/quote]

On the envelope - I write Mom and Dad Last Name - or Best Niece Ever last Name. On the inside I just use the first name (or Aunt First Name, or Mom and Dad, or whatever.)

The address is what matters, as far as delivery goes. And if I can bring a little joy and comfort to someone by letting them know that there's a person out there who knows them and loves them, then hooray.

Again, I am not here saying everyone should write Mom Sparklebottom Last Name on all their cards, and therefore you should write Aunt First Name Last Name here, too. I just think that addressing her as Aunt First Name Last Name on the envelope makes the most sense, and leaves the least room for error here.

We get cards sent to Mr and Mrs DH's First Name Last Name, and I think less of the people who send them to me - and I feel vaguely insulted that they don't even know me well enough to know I don't use his last name let alone his first name. And some of the epople doing this are people our age!?

I think doing that runs the risk that you will also be seen as sexist and out of touch. Like, really sexist and out of touch. Mrs. Her First Name Last Name runs less of that risk, if you know she uses Mrs. Ms. - I don't really know what the current feelings are on Ms. That was big when I was a kid but only by people who thought of themselves as feminists - like my mom - so I'm not sure how this particular aunt would respond to that title.

So again, I pitch the case for Aunt Bernice Smith on the envelope. It is familiar. It is actually her name. It lets you avoid being either weird and sexist, or, going the other way, insinuating that she's some kind of feminist if she's not.[/quote]

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