Reply to Spouse with credit card debt due to compulsive shopping

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you financially dependent on your spouse? You say "they pay household expenses". What does that mean? Is your spouse paying mortgage, utilities, insurance? Is your spouse saving for retirement? Are you?

You say you help out with kids' college - are they your kids and your spouse's? Do you have your own income? Is your income going towards tuition and you guys are living off your spouse's income? Was that always the financial agreement between you and your spouse, or what was the plan?

How long has this state of affairs been going on?[/quote]

Spouse pays mortgage, I handle pretty much everything else such as utilities, home repairs. I would have preferred a joint account for joint expenses but spouse never agreed so everything held separately always. Spouse and I both employed, both saving for retirement. Kids are ours. I have saved for college since they were born as I could, spouse never thought it was important. This has been going on for over 20 years but lately the compulsive shopping has been worse. In addition, the attic, garage and basement are full of the purchases so running out of places to put the hoard. I had a shed built to create more storage due to the hoarding. [/quote]

OK, this is less a financial problem than it is a relationship and hoarding problem, although certainly finances figure into it greatly.

I watched an excellent and compassionate documentary about hoarding called Beyond Hoarding a few years ago. I recommend that you watch it.  [url]https://beyondhoardingmovie.com[/url]

Therapy is expensive, but there is no way your spouse will improve over time without it, and your spouse will cause more and more financial harm to you unless he/she is willing to change (which is extremely hard). You are going to have to separate, or threaten to leave, and see if that will provide the willingness to address these issues.

You and your children come first. You need to have a clean space where your can be safe and relax. Your spouse will fall apart when you move out, but you will definitely fall apart of you stay in that hoard. You need completely separate finances.

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