Reply to Annual Christmas meltdown- how to handle?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Annual Christmas meltdown- how to handle?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A little more detail would help. Is your mom hosting multiple guests + cooking the Christmas meal? [/quote]

OP: only hosting immediate family plus a few extended family for a day or two after Christmas but before nye.

There is a Christmas meal but the plan has grown and changed a lot in just the last few days I’ve been here. Several people originally volunteered to cook certain dishes, but those “don’t count” according to mom and she’ll make similar dishes herself in addition. Think someone already said they’ll make Brussels sprouts, but mom is still going to make broccoli, cauliflower, and green beans herself. [/quote]

I'd disengage.  When she accuses you of not doing enough just say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and find something else to do.  I used to let my MIL tie me into knots before the holidays.  I was always anxious because she was always upset.  I spent a few holiday seasons trying to get ahead of why she'd be upset.  But surprise!  It changed every year.  One year we arrived at her house, with our 5 month old, in tow, a little bit frazzled because the baby would scream in the car, and before I could even take off my coat she just snaps "YOU'RE LATE!".  Which, we were not.  We were the first ones to arrive?  After that, I just dropped the rope because there was no pleasing her.  I came up with a few gentle pushbacks to her digs and I just started to avoid her in general at any gathering.  I don't offer to help in the kitchen the day of (I will bring something prepared if I have to) and I make sure my DH is clear on timing of when we will arrive and when we will leave.  I don't talk to her unless she directly asks me a question, which she often doesn't because she's too busy yelling at someone who is dumb enough to actually volunteer to help.  She was icy for the first few years I disengaged, but now she's used to it.  And if she cares, I certainly don't notice.  I make sure my kids are having fun, and I talk to the relatives I do like, and then we leave.

My main goal as I get older is to NOT be like her.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics