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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We use a similar approach that a PP uses. We talk A LOT about feelings. And I try really really hard to narrate my own feelings when a situation is escalating I’ll say “ larlo i need to take a break. My heart is beating really fast, and my face feels red hot. I’m going to sit on the couch and take some deep breaths. When I’m calm I would love to talk with you. Would you like to sit with me as well?” We have talked about a “tool box” and we talk about getting into the tool box to get what we need. The tool box is  “filled” with self regulating items. (Deep breaths, a weighted blanket, taking a walk outside, horse breaths, and a count down 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell one thing you can taste).

Our OT uses the color system red, green, yellow. Red is you’re moving too fast or too angry, green is moving at right speed and yellow is slow.

When he is having a melt down I usually say “ I would love to talk with you, but it’s really hard to talk when you’re yelling.” We’ve been talking about melt downs and if he is melting down a ton over something silly I’ll say “wow you’re a Florida snowman right now. You’re just melting down. When you become a New York snowman we can talk!” He thinks it’s funny and usually will calm down and is able to talk to me. It’s hard and exhausting. [/quote]

This is good advice. Op, my kid is 6 but we ended up getting an anxiety dx and asd level 1. She’s also highly sensitive. In addition to OT, parent coaching, and therapy, which led to a lot of the advice in this thread, we also realized we were over validating the feelings which turned into validation of the behavior (even though we’d say the feeling is welcome and the behavior is not), and more importantly that my DD was depending on our engagement in her rages because that was our pattern. Red zone /green zone would make her really mad (like a PP shared) so we finally said that meltdowns have to happen in your room and we can hang out when you are done. We usher her to her room (sometimes with a negative consequence for not going) and VERY quickly realized that she really just wanted our attention. I’m not saying she was being manipulative at all but I do believe we just got in a pattern of behavior and our own sit and regulate with her approach wasn’t working, perhaps because she is neurodiverse. [/quote]

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