Anonymous
12/14/2022 23:24
Subject: Child rages
Anonymous wrote:We use a similar approach that a PP uses. We talk A LOT about feelings. And I try really really hard to narrate my own feelings when a situation is escalating I’ll say “ larlo i need to take a break. My heart is beating really fast, and my face feels red hot. I’m going to sit on the couch and take some deep breaths. When I’m calm I would love to talk with you. Would you like to sit with me as well?” We have talked about a “tool box” and we talk about getting into the tool box to get what we need. The tool box is “filled” with self regulating items. (Deep breaths, a weighted blanket, taking a walk outside, horse breaths, and a count down 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell one thing you can taste).
Our OT uses the color system red, green, yellow. Red is you’re moving too fast or too angry, green is moving at right speed and yellow is slow.
When he is having a melt down I usually say “ I would love to talk with you, but it’s really hard to talk when you’re yelling.” We’ve been talking about melt downs and if he is melting down a ton over something silly I’ll say “wow you’re a Florida snowman right now. You’re just melting down. When you become a New York snowman we can talk!” He thinks it’s funny and usually will calm down and is able to talk to me. It’s hard and exhausting.
This is good advice. Op, my kid is 6 but we ended up getting an anxiety dx and asd level 1. She’s also highly sensitive. In addition to OT, parent coaching, and therapy, which led to a lot of the advice in this thread, we also realized we were over validating the feelings which turned into validation of the behavior (even though we’d say the feeling is welcome and the behavior is not), and more importantly that my DD was depending on our engagement in her rages because that was our pattern. Red zone /green zone would make her really mad (like a PP shared) so we finally said that meltdowns have to happen in your room and we can hang out when you are done. We usher her to her room (sometimes with a negative consequence for not going) and VERY quickly realized that she really just wanted our attention. I’m not saying she was being manipulative at all but I do believe we just got in a pattern of behavior and our own sit and regulate with her approach wasn’t working, perhaps because she is neurodiverse.
Anonymous
12/14/2022 21:15
Subject: Child rages
Anonymous wrote:The zones of regulation curriculum is helpful. It’s about recognizing where you are and the best strategies for you personally to calm yourself. You could do it with your child or an OT (or likely other types of therapists). Lots of schools use it now too
Mine just screamed at me I don’t care about the zones.
Anonymous
Anonymous
12/14/2022 18:00
Subject: Child rages
Anonymous wrote:Have a 7.5 yo and life is so much more peaceful and calm in our home after therapy for our son and a parenting class. We did the whole Neuropsych with no conclusions.
What parenting class was it?
Anonymous
12/14/2022 17:59
Subject: Child rages
A book I read but can't remember the name says when they rage, don't react. You tell them you understand they are angry, and you want to "help" them by sending them to their room and when they calm down, you can communicate again. Something like that. Been a while
Anonymous
12/14/2022 17:51
Subject: Child rages
This may sound old school but adequate sleep and exercise make almost everything better for young or old.
Anonymous
12/14/2022 10:04
Subject: Child rages
We use a similar approach that a PP uses. We talk A LOT about feelings. And I try really really hard to narrate my own feelings when a situation is escalating I’ll say “ larlo i need to take a break. My heart is beating really fast, and my face feels red hot. I’m going to sit on the couch and take some deep breaths. When I’m calm I would love to talk with you. Would you like to sit with me as well?” We have talked about a “tool box” and we talk about getting into the tool box to get what we need. The tool box is “filled” with self regulating items. (Deep breaths, a weighted blanket, taking a walk outside, horse breaths, and a count down 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell one thing you can taste).
Our OT uses the color system red, green, yellow. Red is you’re moving too fast or too angry, green is moving at right speed and yellow is slow.
When he is having a melt down I usually say “ I would love to talk with you, but it’s really hard to talk when you’re yelling.” We’ve been talking about melt downs and if he is melting down a ton over something silly I’ll say “wow you’re a Florida snowman right now. You’re just melting down. When you become a New York snowman we can talk!” He thinks it’s funny and usually will calm down and is able to talk to me. It’s hard and exhausting.
Our OT uses the color system red, green, yellow. Red is you’re moving too fast or too angry, green is moving at right speed and yellow is slow.
When he is having a melt down I usually say “ I would love to talk with you, but it’s really hard to talk when you’re yelling.” We’ve been talking about melt downs and if he is melting down a ton over something silly I’ll say “wow you’re a Florida snowman right now. You’re just melting down. When you become a New York snowman we can talk!” He thinks it’s funny and usually will calm down and is able to talk to me. It’s hard and exhausting.
Anonymous
12/14/2022 09:41
Subject: Child rages
Have a 7.5 yo and life is so much more peaceful and calm in our home after therapy for our son and a parenting class. We did the whole Neuropsych with no conclusions.
Anonymous
12/14/2022 06:48
Subject: Child rages
Mine had them a lot at 5-7; age 8 is going much better but she has since been diagnosed with anxiety and ocd. A lot of it is just over reactive nervous system. A lot builds up during a school day and the pot boils over at home.
Anonymous
12/13/2022 23:52
Subject: Re:Child rages
Anonymous wrote:Just some ideas for preparing for a therapist. Start a log. Note time of day and triggers. Note sleep and eating for that day. Note where it occurred and who was present. Anything that can help you identify patterns and triggers will be helpful. Even if you think you know these things, a lot will either confirm what you know or will help you identify things that you thought but turn out not to be accurate.
NP. This, above, is fantastic advice, OP. Please do this, and start the log now. Don't just start with tomorrow, but sit down now and write out what you can recall from recent rages re: time, triggers, food that day, sleep that day, etc., then do it in real time starting tomorrow. OP, you're currently looking for a therapist -- if you can walk in the therapist's door the first time and have this kind of detailed log in your hand, you will already have a head start. A therapist is likely to advise you to do this anyway so start now. Like PP says, noting patterns can help uncover triggers, which you then can learn to deal with if possible. The last sentence above is especially great.
Anonymous
12/13/2022 16:04
Subject: Child rages
What behavior is considered rage-y? I have a 7-year old that will have emotional meltdowns but there's no physical manifestations apart from stomping away. Just loud crying and talking from negative self-talk to accusations and blames and how unfair life is, etc.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 22:17
Subject: Child rages
Anonymous wrote:Could be anxiety. I would address this with the pediatrician.
+1. Had no idea that anxiety presented like this until my child acted out like this.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 14:54
Subject: Child rages
The zones of regulation curriculum is helpful. It’s about recognizing where you are and the best strategies for you personally to calm yourself. You could do it with your child or an OT (or likely other types of therapists). Lots of schools use it now too
Anonymous
12/12/2022 14:10
Subject: Child rages
My son used to "rage" at that age. It was awful. He outgrew it around 4th -5th grade. Unfortunately I can't even say "we did this" or "we tried that" because it seems like what worked for him was just outgrowing it.
He is now in his early 20s and doing fine: in college, has held part time/summer jobs, never been in trouble with the law, has friends, etc.
He is now in his early 20s and doing fine: in college, has held part time/summer jobs, never been in trouble with the law, has friends, etc.
Anonymous
12/12/2022 13:48
Subject: Re:Child rages
Hard to know if this is normal without more context. How often are we talking? How long are the rages? What happens during them?
I feel like a 7 yo kid getting rage-y from time to time when hungry, tired, sick, or just….pissed, is reasonable. You just do your best to sit with them, and teach how to regulate themselves better by scanning their body to see if they are hungry or need a rest, by talking out problems with classmates instead of letting them stew, by taking a deep breath before they get angry, etc. But every once in a while people lose their cool….we are humans and kids should know that you are not afraid of their emotions so that they can express them freely.
If the rages are getting in the way of learning, friendships, daily peace at home…then yes, a therapist is where you should start. And talking to their teacher to thoroughly understand what they see in that setting, too.
I feel like a 7 yo kid getting rage-y from time to time when hungry, tired, sick, or just….pissed, is reasonable. You just do your best to sit with them, and teach how to regulate themselves better by scanning their body to see if they are hungry or need a rest, by talking out problems with classmates instead of letting them stew, by taking a deep breath before they get angry, etc. But every once in a while people lose their cool….we are humans and kids should know that you are not afraid of their emotions so that they can express them freely.
If the rages are getting in the way of learning, friendships, daily peace at home…then yes, a therapist is where you should start. And talking to their teacher to thoroughly understand what they see in that setting, too.