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[quote=Anonymous]I am going to try to break this down into chunks for my response.

[quote]At first meeting on the divorce my friends were sympathetic but I noticed even on the first day and then subsequent weeks that there were some weird vibes and over the past year there have been more slights.[/quote]

One thing to consider is that if you’ve been focused on leaving a bad marriage over the past year or so, you may have been leaning on your friends a lot more than you realized without reciprocating when they needed a friend.  They may be feeling a bit worn out in the friendship after giving you support for so long without getting much in return.

[quote]One friend started telling me all about her problems I guess to mirror some of my trauma but when I tried to help her she scolded me and told me my texts were too long and she wasn’t interested in the help but then kept dumping her issues on me just I guess to have someone tell her that she had a right to be upset about her issues. She wanted validation from me so I gave her some but it’s starting to get annoying because they are small issues that I don’t really want to be involved in and whenever I do I get scolded somehow. [/quote]

You need to stop competing with your friends for who has it the worst and being dismissive of what’s going with them.  Even if your issues are/were objectively worse, that doesn’t mean hers aren’t real.  If you cannot tolerate the expectation that the person you are leaning on will sometimes need to lean on you, then you need to find a therapist because inappropriate and unfair to expect your friends to serve that role for you.

[quote]Then another woman started referring to “her husband” immediately after the divorce disclosure despite me knowing him more than her and for over 2 decades and doing other things to make sure I knew their marriage was strong and to not interfere. Before the four of us were friends together and we have kids still who get together all the time so it’s awkward. She also tries to parent me a lot now telling me how things should be or are from her point of view and starting to talk derogatorily as if I’m a loser station than her now. [/quote]

Like you said, it’s awkward.  They were friends with both of you and may not feel like they are expected to choose between you.  If her husband has stayed friends with your ex, it may be that much more awkward for her so she’s putting up a bit of a wall so she and her kids can stay friends with you and your kids without creating conflict.  As for the last part, without examples it is hard to know whether she is actually acting that way, or if you are misperceiving the situation because you are feeling defensive about the divorce.

[quote]It feels very uneven. I’m trying to decide if this is a phase for these friendships and somehow I can turn these friendships back to what they were, if I’m overreacting to their slights and should just ride it out, or if these relationships have turned abusive and won’t right themselves. Right now I just want a break from them.[/quote]

This goes back to my points above.  Think about whether they’ll problem is really their behavior, or your expectation that the friendships will stay as one-sided as they likely were.

[quote]My mom is a widow and gets help from lots of people so maybe I’m just doing this wrong somehow and giving off weird vibes although if that were the case why an issue from the start? I don’t want to be used as a sympathy pillow or someone’s child or the potential whore down the street. Any tips on how to break this cycle with married friends?[/quote]

Don’t compare your situation to your mom’s.  Your mom is a widow, which means she did not have a say in the end of her marriage.  Like it or not, that tends to elicit more sympathy and offers to help as compared to someone who made the decision that they would prefer to be single than to remain in their marriage.  She also may interact differently with her friends, dating back before her husband died and since.  People are more likely to help when they don’t feel taken for granted or disregarded. [/quote]

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