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[quote=Anonymous]Why?  Because she's your mother and not your cousins' mother.  She feels that as your mother, it is still her place to "parent" you and correct you when you speak ill of the dead, especially someone she cherishes.  She feels the same way towards your cousins that she feels towards you.  She feels they are wrong to say such things about her mother, but she doesn't feel it is her place to parent them and stop them from saying such things.  She probably does have expectations of her siblings to say something to their children and when she is alone with her siblings, she may be saying like "Why do you let Larlo say such things about Mother?  She was wonderful, but Larlo says such awful things about her" or something like that.

As for what you can do?  You reserve your negative comments about your grandmother to when you mother is not listening.  You can say such things when you are with your cousins, but you just bite your tongue and don't speak your mind about your grandmother when you mother is present.  That's the polite way to get through the holidays. [/quote]

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