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[quote=Anonymous]My mother is like this but at the end of the day, it's all about her own feelings.

I used to think she cared about feelings because she talked about her own feelings so much! Her problems, her feelings. One time she told me, "You are terribly sensitive, but only about your own feelings, not other people's feelings." I thought and wondered over this statement for 20+ years, and finally realized she was projecting herself onto me. She didn't like that I had my own feelings, and wanted my attention back on her.

When she thought about other people's feelings, it was usually instigated by a dramatic portrayal of feelings on TV, in a movie, or at church. She'd get real agitated about an emotionally stirring testimony by someone else at church, because she wanted that emotion for herself, and was pissed that someone else got it instead. She planned her own testimony, I think, but it would not have gone over well because of her insincerity/lack of larger-scale performance skill.

She was good at smaller-scale performance. She was in a service profession, was an active church member, showed up looking like the model wife/homemaker, and gave the impression of an empathetic person. It was only an impression. In real life, her children were not allowed to have any feelings. She was allowed feelings, and we were expected to cater to her feelings.

If you think someone is both a narc and empathetic, look harder. If they are doing an "empathy show," they want something, your attention in some form, the show is to draw you in.

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