Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

+1

I think most personality disorders are maladaptive coping mechanisms to intergenerational traumas. And people can be abusive in some settings while those very same traits can contribute to success in others.

Humans are complicated.

Oh ffs, not you again. Can't you adult children avoid plastering your own gripes and your off-base armchair psychology on even a single thread?

I know a married woman that prolifically cheats behind her husband’s back, quite callously, and claims that empathy is her super power . Narcs are so out of touch with reality. But feigning empathy is another way to get people to fawn over them.

Anonymous wrote:Some fake it well. There is a name for it, I don't recall. There are people big on volunteer work who are narcs. They are also the ones organizing the food chains, etc. It's all about keeping up appearances so nobody would suspect they are monsters behind closed doors. At their funerals people will gush about them, and their victims are left needing therapy for decades to deal with the fact the person they knew is so different from the person they hear about.

This is such a good point. My mom was a much loved narcissist and I asked my friends not to come to her funeral because who she was to other people was so, so different from who she was to her family. I knew it would be awful for me so I planned an event that allowed her friends to celebrate her but didn't make me do it.

Look up dark empaths

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

+1

I think most personality disorders are maladaptive coping mechanisms to intergenerational traumas. And people can be abusive in some settings while those very same traits can contribute to success in others.

Humans are complicated.

Anonymous wrote:I have known a narcissist who misunderstood empathy. They believed that empathy meant identifying with some aspect of another person's life. So if they knew someone who was starting a new job, they'd compare it to when they were starting a new job and thought they were "empathizing" over the shared experience. But really they were just thinking about their own experience and projecting their feelings/reactions onto the other person. They were big advice givers and they believed their advice must be very good because they had been through "the exact same thing." But generally they'd not really listened past the initial mention of a situation. The rest of their thinking was about themselves.

This person used words like empathy and boundaries a lot because they'd been in therapy and read a lot about these issues. They were fantastic at speaking authoritatively on the subjects and it became part of their narcissistic charm. But the fundamental misunderstood these concepts, or in some cases, understood them but applied them very differently to themselves and other people.

NP. The bolded is frequently a technique children with autism pick up in an attempt to fit in and learn an alien social skill. It sounds like there is more going on in your example but I wanted to flag that for the neurodiverse, some of what you are describing is genuine and a true attempt to be empathetic, from people who lack some of the innate relational skills others have.

With kids and teens who are showing empathy by strongly relating it to something in their own life, I praise the empathy attempt first and then add a “not everyone experiences this as understanding.” It’s not always malignant narcissism, sometimes it is a skill that hasn’t been acquired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have known a narcissist who misunderstood empathy. They believed that empathy meant identifying with some aspect of another person's life. So if they knew someone who was starting a new job, they'd compare it to when they were starting a new job and thought they were "empathizing" over the shared experience. But really they were just thinking about their own experience and projecting their feelings/reactions onto the other person. They were big advice givers and they believed their advice must be very good because they had been through "the exact same thing." But generally they'd not really listened past the initial mention of a situation. The rest of their thinking was about themselves.

This person used words like empathy and boundaries a lot because they'd been in therapy and read a lot about these issues. They were fantastic at speaking authoritatively on the subjects and it became part of their narcissistic charm. But the fundamental misunderstood these concepts, or in some cases, understood them but applied them very differently to themselves and other people.

I'm dealing with a friend (end of the friendship) like this, but she's a licensed practicing counselor. (As a side note, she throws around the narcissist label quite freely, almost as though she doesn't understand the clinical diagnosis).

She calls herself an "empath." But she comes off as a self centered narcissist because her supposed heightened empathy allows her to feel like SHE knows what's right and best for everyone.

I realized that there have been many situations where I feel...gaslit (sorry to use another pop psy buzz word, but it's the best way to describe it) by her telling me things about me and my family that make me feel crappy. And she can dish it out but absolutely can't take it - because she's an empath, she always knows better than anyone else about everything.

I'm probably not explaining it well, but it's a mindfu*#.

Kind of like the people on this thread, who fashion themselves as "experts"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

You don't have to put up with really bad people just because they have a SOCIAL problem. I'm sorry you've been taught that. You don't have to accept poor treatment even from traumatized people.

See, this is an example of someone who turns everything into a question whose answer is "ME ME ME" and yet they use all the right vocabulary. And they probably posted that upthread! Where in the OP or in the post you are responding to does anyone say you have to put up with really bad people or accept poor treatment from people?

Years ago I dated a guy who bragged that he just didn’t feel empathy. He had many narc traits. I reconnected with him recently and now he describes himself as highly empathetic. Hmmm

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

+1 It is not easy to be an empath. When empathetic sensitive kids are not taught how to manage their feelings, and they are around a lot of troubled people or are close to someone who experienced intense emotional pain, they learn early that it is easier to distance themselves from a person than to take in their pain. As adults, they usually come across as self absorbed or narcissistic because they never learned how to properly form a close relationship to someone. People think they just don't care, when the reality is that they are afraid to care too much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

You don't have to put up with really bad people just because they have a SOCIAL problem. I'm sorry you've been taught that. You don't have to accept poor treatment even from traumatized people.

That was quite an impressive misinterpretation of PP’s comment. I know you were doing it intentionally to make her look wrong and you look superior but im still impressed.

Not sure how I misinterpreted anything. Pp seems to think we shouldn't think negatively about bad people because they have social problems. I disagree and feel sorry that people taught her that.

My mother is like this but at the end of the day, it's all about her own feelings.

I used to think she cared about feelings because she talked about her own feelings so much! Her problems, her feelings. One time she told me, "You are terribly sensitive, but only about your own feelings, not other people's feelings." I thought and wondered over this statement for 20+ years, and finally realized she was projecting herself onto me. She didn't like that I had my own feelings, and wanted my attention back on her.

When she thought about other people's feelings, it was usually instigated by a dramatic portrayal of feelings on TV, in a movie, or at church. She'd get real agitated about an emotionally stirring testimony by someone else at church, because she wanted that emotion for herself, and was pissed that someone else got it instead. She planned her own testimony, I think, but it would not have gone over well because of her insincerity/lack of larger-scale performance skill.

She was good at smaller-scale performance. She was in a service profession, was an active church member, showed up looking like the model wife/homemaker, and gave the impression of an empathetic person. It was only an impression. In real life, her children were not allowed to have any feelings. She was allowed feelings, and we were expected to cater to her feelings.

If you think someone is both a narc and empathetic, look harder. If they are doing an "empathy show," they want something, your attention in some form, the show is to draw you in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

You don't have to put up with really bad people just because they have a SOCIAL problem. I'm sorry you've been taught that. You don't have to accept poor treatment even from traumatized people.

That was quite an impressive misinterpretation of PP’s comment. I know you were doing it intentionally to make her look wrong and you look superior but im still impressed.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, many super sensitive people end up narcissists. Narcissism is a response to trauma. If a super sensitive person is raised by someone who hurts them again and again, yes, they can be both empathetic and a narcissist.

All the people with their simplistic view of narcissist are just as monstrous as the narcissist. You're describing human beings with SOCIAL problems as "monsters."

You don't have to put up with really bad people just because they have a SOCIAL problem. I'm sorry you've been taught that. You don't have to accept poor treatment even from traumatized people.

Yes. They are virtue signalers.