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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend. [/quote]

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.[/quote]

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.[/quote]

This is OP. 
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I  expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too. 
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...
[/quote]

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.[/quote]

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.[/quote]

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.[/quote]

+1 The time to use this tactic is over with this particular person. Maybe use it if you want to ask someone else in the future. You will come off as nuts if you say anything at all to the person who already chose to ignore you. Don't ruin things with the circle of acquaintances you DO have.[/quote]

Yeah you've got to let them ask you at this stage - unless you're inviting them over for a dinner party or something.

Move on to other friend prospects. Ignore your husband - he is giving you bad advice even if he's trying to be supportive.[/quote]

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