Anonymous wrote:Do NOT bring this up at the group dinner.

This is OP.
I am not going to bring it up at the group dinner. The dinner is happening on the occasion of another friend's birthday so it wouldn't be the right place nor the time.

It was my husband's suggestion anyway. He favours a more direct approach with people, just like he was telling me to ring people instead of sending texts. I, on the other hand, prefer texting first because I don't want to disturb people when they're at work, or driving, or doing chores or whatever. They can read my text in their own time and respond. Or not.

Have you led a pretty charmed life OP? I ask because many of my close friendships at this stage have formed around stressors-raising a child with special needs, eldercare issues with a challenging parent, bonding over husband's health issues.

I had perfectly nice acquiescence who tried to become closer to me and complained she has no close friends. I like her a lot, but there is no depth and she cannot even fathom or have empathy for the life challenges many of us face. She will spend all of coffee time talking about how her daughter may drop pre-med and got the scientist route instead and they really had their hearts set on her being a doctor.

Then there is her mother, who even she admits is the kindest and gentlest soul-she always thanks them for visiting and tells her how proud she is of her and her children. Truly am happy for her, but quite a few of us have a sh&tshow going on where we basically face verbal and emotional abuse being there for mom. This woman literally assumed people who complain must just be bad daughters. She just lives in an easy life bubble, yet the smallest set back sets her off and she obsess to you over somehow not texting back and it's only been 24 hours.

OP my life is filled to the brim with real life stressors. If I don't hear from someone I assume their life is like this too or there was an emergency or she is busy or we just don't click in her book. I then get some emergency call that mom fell or my kid has to be taken to the ER or whatever and I don't have time to plot and plan cornering someone at a social gathering because she didn't want to do coffee. My friends don't deserve that, even the ones who are just light friends. If they bring me joy I am grateful.

Do NOT bring this up at the group dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.

OP.
To tell you the truth, when we were moving here, I thought making friends in a small town would be super easy. We moved from a city with a population of millions to a small, semi-rural town with a population of about 20,000. There are farms 15 minutes away from our house.

It's a nice and pleasant place to live, it's pretty, clean and safe, low crime. People are friendly and say hello to strangers. But it is quite insular in a way. A lot of people seem to be in established friends groups already.
Making casual acquaintances here is easy but transitioning from acquaintance to 'friend' and then to close friend is hard. I wouldn't know who to call in a crisis. I'm not close enough to anyone.

I'm still the same person. My husband and I have friends in different towns and even different countries. We've never found it hard to socialize until we moved here (despite the very friendly character of the town).

OP I’m in a similar situation as you but younger. Also have never had issues making friends or having social plans. Except now I do.

I have given up on my social life and moved onto other things. I have booked a few ski trips this winter and have a luxury vacation in the spring. I enjoy my pretty home and our property. We go on a lot of neighborhood walks. I have accepted this is how it’s going to be and have no expectations for making close friends.

OP, it sounds like you're in a group situation and naturally expected to develop a couple friendships from this, true friendships. Some of these groups never seem to have this a goal. I don't understand it either. For me, it's the only reason to have group social events. There does seem to be these other women in the world who prefer/only want socializing in a group.

I ghosted an MLM pusher but I don't ghost anyone else

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.

OP.
To tell you the truth, when we were moving here, I thought making friends in a small town would be super easy. We moved from a city with a population of millions to a small, semi-rural town with a population of about 20,000. There are farms 15 minutes away from our house.

It's a nice and pleasant place to live, it's pretty, clean and safe, low crime. People are friendly and say hello to strangers. But it is quite insular in a way. A lot of people seem to be in established friends groups already.
Making casual acquaintances here is easy but transitioning from acquaintance to 'friend' and then to close friend is hard. I wouldn't know who to call in a crisis. I'm not close enough to anyone.

I'm still the same person. My husband and I have friends in different towns and even different countries. We've never found it hard to socialize until we moved here (despite the very friendly character of the town).

I have a good number of friends and wouldn't call them in a crisis. We are all knee deep in elderly parent issues, raising kids,dealing with health issues in the family. I can't imagine a crisis where I would just hire help so I don't burden my friends. My life is often crisis to crisis between elder emergencies, deaths and my family I created.

Are you the same person living in a small town who posts complaining you aren't close to any extended family and you are worried who will look out for you as you age? I think that person complained about not having close friends too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.

OP.
To tell you the truth, when we were moving here, I thought making friends in a small town would be super easy. We moved from a city with a population of millions to a small, semi-rural town with a population of about 20,000. There are farms 15 minutes away from our house.

It's a nice and pleasant place to live, it's pretty, clean and safe, low crime. People are friendly and say hello to strangers. But it is quite insular in a way. A lot of people seem to be in established friends groups already.
Making casual acquaintances here is easy but transitioning from acquaintance to 'friend' and then to close friend is hard. I wouldn't know who to call in a crisis. I'm not close enough to anyone.

I'm still the same person. My husband and I have friends in different towns and even different countries. We've never found it hard to socialize until we moved here (despite the very friendly character of the town).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.

+1 The time to use this tactic is over with this particular person. Maybe use it if you want to ask someone else in the future. You will come off as nuts if you say anything at all to the person who already chose to ignore you. Don't ruin things with the circle of acquaintances you DO have.

Yeah you've got to let them ask you at this stage - unless you're inviting them over for a dinner party or something.

Move on to other friend prospects. Ignore your husband - he is giving you bad advice even if he's trying to be supportive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.

+1 The time to use this tactic is over with this particular person. Maybe use it if you want to ask someone else in the future. You will come off as nuts if you say anything at all to the person who already chose to ignore you. Don't ruin things with the circle of acquaintances you DO have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

Regardless of the reason, you cannot bully someone into being your friend. No one owes you an explanation about why they choose to keep their distance from you; it’s extremely self-centered and dramatic of you to expect otherwise. It may be that you have happened into an extremely insular community — surely you must have realized the social scene would be different in a small town than a big city. Or maybe it’s you. A huge confrontation will just make things more awkward, not less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

Your husband is giving you poor advice. You should not have to corner and manipulate people into spending time with you. She did communicate with you by not responding. She just didn't use your preferred method. You are not close enough friends to insist she must tell you flat out that she doesn't want 1-1 time with you. If you think forcing it by asking her face to face is going to make her want to be your BFF then you have a lot to learn about friendship/

You are obsessing too much. Accept the level of friendship she can give you and move on. If I don't hear from someone, I move on. i don't ruminate. I assume either life is busy, there is a family emergency or the person doesn't want to hang out and that is fine. There are people I don't mind in a group, but I don't want to invest in a closer relationship and I assume there are those who feel the same about me. Not a problem. I appreciate my friends for whatever level of friendship the offer. Life is too short and stressful to obsess over this.

OP here.

I can see what you're saying but this seems to be the story of my life since we moved to this small town. If she were the only person to behave like this I wouldn't give it another thought, but it has happened before, here, in this community.

My husband and I used to live in a large cosmopolitan city before we moved here and I can honestly say that I never had difficulties socializing or making friends there. Our social calendar was a lot busier then.
Admittedly we ànd our friends from back in the day were all a lot younger then (this was 15-20 years ago) so age may have something to do with it.

I don't enjoy being around people that judge others, that's what you are doing.

OP, most women this age have quite terrible health issues, eldercare issues, adult kids not fledging issues, marital woes, financial woes happening in the last few years. I mean most people are a mess. You meet them and realize that they all have aged a whole lot in the past three years.

I have recently started entertaining again and I have no issues having people attending my events at all. I also take care in maintaining good relationships, being helpful and taking care while organizing events to make it special and make my guests feel special. I am quite certain that my lavish spread of food and drinks make my guests feel welcome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re admitting that you are angling to form a closer bond. They may sense that pressure. They may not want that.

Close friendships happen organically, or not at all. Enjoy people for who an what they are—whether that is a friendly neighbor, a friend you sometimes see at book club, or a lifelong close friend.

It gets tiring and tiresome when it happens again and again. It feels like no one has space or time for an extra friend.

Don't give up! Join a Meetup group -- those are people you KNOW want to be involved with others.

Those other women don't know what to do -- they don't want to make up an excuse, because then you'll just ask another time, and they don't want to say "No, I really don't want to go to coffee one-on-one with you" either. Also if they're older (no offense) maybe they don't realize you can see that they've read the messages? I agree that not responding is rude. They are not your friends. Just move on.

This is OP.
Thanks for your feedback. I am thinking of joining a Meet Up group. There are a few groups close to us.

I get that some people don't like to admit that they don't want to hang out with me and they say nothing instead (ghosting), however I personally prefer it when people are direct and honest.

Anyway one of the 2 women who didn't respond to my ouvertures is someone in our local circle of friends/acquaintances. We've known her for 15+ years. We're going out for dinner in a group soon (I expect there will be about 10 to 12 people there). This woman is coming too.
I wasn't going to say anything to her on the night (other than exchangng polite conversation and joining in with the others) but my husband now thinks I should ask her out face to face this time. His stance is 'people can't ignore you when you're there' ...

OP, if I knew you in real life and was considering a close friendship and I found out you are so desperate to be closer you would put someone in a awkward position, I would back away. This whole idea of being ignored and you must not ignore me and people must confront me and tell me they don't want to hang out...is well creepy. Friendships are enjoyable and breezy. If she really wanted to take it to another level she would have let you know, but at least saying it's not a good time, but she would love in a few weeks. Leave her alone. Don't make her afraid to hang out with you in a group.