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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up with one parent who was most definitely emotionally and verbally abusive, though there was no physical violence that I remember. Creating boundaries with that parent was a big emotional job in my late teens and 20s. I did it. I have a low contact relationship with her that works pretty well. I’ve never really gone to therapy for this but the most therapeutic thing in my life is building my own family in a different way. My teen and young adult children see their relationship with me as strong and loving. I think it’s the best we can do.[/quote]

There’s a real risk that you’re living through your kids and they are affected by it.

Also, my mom thought she was breaking free from her abusive (really) parents. She wasn’t, instead she was dysfunctional with us kids in different ways.

I guess my point is, [b]don’t seek all your validation from your kids or from DCUM. It can put unbearable pressure on your kids and, without examples in your own parents, you may not even know what loving, competent parenting looks like. You need to work this out with a therapist.[/b] [/quote]

This x1000.  Especially the part about the kids.  Don't lay this on their shoulders.  They should NOT be your therapists.  They need to lead their little lives without the weight of your problems bringing them down, OP.  If you love them, then you will take them out of the loop.[/quote]

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