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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you ask, "I know there are many of us, but do you feel so lonely in this world holding onto this?"

Yes, definitely. The abuse and trauma I experienced are a huge part of my daily life but keeping it hidden most of the time is very isolating. I have an amazing therapist with whom I can be 100% honest, but the rest of the time, there is almost always something I am keeping quiet or hiding. Nobody, even my lovely, trusted friend, wants to hear that I had memories six times in the last hour or whatever. And people don't realize how much questions involving our families or our youth come up in conversation.

What I have found freeing (besides the healing of therapy) is being honest with myself. So often I tried to deny my past and its effects on me, pretending that I wasn't having flashbacks or memories or reactions. Accepting them has made them easier to bear. [/quote]

OP here. Thanks. This is helpful.

You know how the latest cultural thing on social media is "core memories." Every time my family tried to created that it turned into dysfunction. I have so many memories of threats of violence (that I knew would not be acted on, but still scary), intimidation, gaslighting, tantrums, insults. My happiest memories all took place away from my family-sleepovers or hangouts with friends, parents of friends who were kind and nurturing to me, teachers who cared, going off to college. [/quote]

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